2012 MLB preview, part 2: Electric Bugaloo

N.L. EAST

Atlanta Braves

The only good thing about the end of the Braves’ 2011 campaign was that their choke was less publicized than that of the Red Sox.

Atlanta lost its last five games of the season (13 of their final 17) and was swept by the Cardinals – the only other contender for the wild card spot – in a late September series. Then, needing just one win in a three game series against a Phillies team that had nothing of value to play for, the Braves mailed in the first two and gave up a ninth-inning lead in the third.

Heading into 2012, the Braves still have plenty of talent, but should be more concerned with the improvements of other teams in the division. Miami brought in a handful of big name free agents and Washington is welcoming Stephen Strasburg back into the big leagues (with Bryce Harper possibly making an appearance this summer).

Possibly tired of waiting for his oblique to give out, Chipper has already torn his meniscus and has announced that this will be his final season. While Chipper can still hit, he can barely move, and getting 80 games out of him would have to be considered a success.

As for the rest of the Braves, some combination of consistency and improvement has to be shown across the board to have a shot at the postseason. Heyward and Prado disappeared for large chunks of the season while McCann and Uggla both had their moments, but couldn’t stay hot for more than a week or two at a time.

The bullpen remains one of the best in baseball, but unless the Atlanta bats improve, there won’t be many leads for O’Flaherty, Venters and Kimbrel to protect.

Miami Marlins

Possibly taking a cue from their neighbors in Tampa, the Marlins are hoping for immediate success after a name change. Personally, I think it’s an improvement. Not only does the city of Miami reflect the Marlins’ key demographic of Hispanic fans better than the old Florida moniker, but the name just rolls off the tongue… Miami Marlins.

But all alliteration aside, the Marlins improved their roster just as much as their name and their digs (the new stadium looks pretty nice).

Reigning N.L. batting champion Jose Reyes is now at shortstop, with Hanley Ramirez bumping over to third and hoping to regain the spark that made him a top-10 fantasy player from 2006-2010.

The pitching should be just as solid as Josh Johnson is 100 percent healthy and Carlos Zambrano has made it through all of spring training so far without physically assaulting a teammate. Wait a sec… *checks today’s box score*… Yep. Big Z is a total team player so far.

The Marlins also picked up one of the top two closers on the free agent market in Heath Bell. The talent and balance in all aspects of the game could be enough to win the division if everyone plays to their potential and something goes wrong in Philadelphia.

A final thought on the Fish – Have you heard that the backstop at the new stadium is an aquarium with real, live fish? The Marlins have assured everyone that it’s shatterproof, but who won’t be rooting for Josh Johnson to uncork a wild pitch that sends hundreds of fish flapping toward the infield. I bet the Marlins built it weak enough to break. The gate numbers at the next game would be the highest in years once the PETA protest shows up.

New York Mets

I try hard to be funny, but sometimes the jokes just write themselves.

Not content to simply blow millions of dollars on big name free agents that tanked (I’m looking at you, Jason Bay and Johan Santana), the Mets blew millions of dollars on a ponzi scheme and have had to beg the league and wealthy suitors for enough money to operate.

With the financial future of the team up in the air and with the team already wildly underperforming, New York had no chance of keeping Jose Reyes when his contract was up this offseason.

After over two years of arm trouble, Santana should be healthy enough to start the season in the rotation, but the former fireballer now sits around 89-90 and isn’t an ace anymore.

Perhaps the only Mets employees worse than the front office are those on the medical staff. The trainers and doctors for the Mets took their time in getting Santana healthy, got Bay and David Wright into the lineup only sparingly, and reportedly misdiagnosed an Ike Davis foot injury so badly that a 15-day DL stint turned into over 80 percent of the season. This spring, Davis’ foot is fine, but he has somehow contracted Valley Fever.

If you’re a Mets fan, you used to only have to fear for your sanity as your team blew late leads in September. Now, you’ve got to fear for your life. Luckily, appropriate medical approaches are seemingly in action as the Mets won’t be good enough to draw any otherwise healthy people out to Citi Field where they might catch something (Possibly ebola… probably home runs from opposing teams).

Philadelphia Phillies

It would be easy to convince yourself that the Phillies could be in some trouble for the first time in over six years.

All of those guys that keyed a World Series title in 2008 and another N.L. championship in ’09 are – while still effective – past their peak. Then, there are the injuries. Chase Utley was blazing a trail to the Hall of Fame until a mysterious knee ailment popped up last spring and kept him out of the lineup until mid-May. Even after his return, he managed just 11 HR and 44 RBI. This season, his knee problems are back and he will likely start the season on the disabled list.

Not to be outdone, Ryan Howard provided one of the most gut-wrenching ends to a season ever when he not only supplied the final out for the Cardinals’ first round upset of the Phillies, but also managed to rupture his achilles tendon in the process. He should be back in the lineup by June, but his absence leaves a gaping hole in the middle of an offense that is a shadow of its former self.

That would be enough damning evidence to condemn most teams to a third place finish, but most teams don’t have three of the top six Cy Young vote getters from last season in their rotation.

It’s becoming more and more rare for pitchers to rack up 20 wins in a season, but Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee and Cole Hamels could each win 20 and not too many would bat an eye.

Even the No. 5 spot in the rotation is held by Vance Worley, who won 13 games in 2011 and finished second in the Rookie of the Year voting.

Finally free of Brad Lidge at the back of the bullpen, the Phillies also locked  down Jonathan Papelbon for those days where Halladay, Hamels and Lee can’t be bothered to go nine full innings.

The Phillies’ bats might be weakened this year, but there’s no guarantee that opposing offenses will score enough to take advantage.

Washington Nationals

With every pain-free inning that Stephen Strasburg throws and every time Bryce Harper manages to reach base without making a mockery of himself, his family and baseball etiquette in general, the Nationals’ bold strategy of tanking badly enough to rack up multiple overall No. 1 picks gains more credibility.

A year and a half after electrifying packed houses with 100 mph fastballs, Strasburg is back from Tommy John surgery. He’ll likely never hit 100 again, but for such a hard thrower, he had a good two-seamer, change up and curve. All of those are still there and will continue to rack up outs even though his right arm no longer requires nuclear launch codes to operate.

The Nats also picked up Gio Gonzalez who had a very good 2011 while everyone was busy not paying any attention to the A’s. Jordan Zimmermann is a good No. 3 guy, and – while his overall record isn’t great – John Lannen can be wheeled out a few times per year to continue his mastery of the Braves.

The key to breaking into the top of the division standings will be the offense. The Nats spent huge money on Jayson Werth last season, seemingly forgetting the fact that Nationals Park is much tougher on right-handed hitters than Werth’s old park in Philly. Add that to the fact that he didn’t have nearly as much protection in Washington’s lineup, and you get numbers that aren’t worth anywhere near $17 million per year.

However, Werth still has 25 HR, 100 RBI potential, and the lineup can be much more intimidating if Ryan Zimmerman stays healthy and Michael Morse can repeat last season’s power surge.

N.L. CENTRAL

Chicago Cubs

It was a hugely successful offseason for the Cubbies.

No. I’m not talking about Theo Epstein being hired away from Boston to try and reverse Chicago’s unsettling trend of whiffing on big money players that don’t produce (cough, cough, ALFONSO SORIANO, cough). I’m also not talking about the fact that neither Prince Fielder nor Albert Pujols will be terrorizing the pitching staff anymore.

Those things are all well and good, but they can’t compare to the jubilation that must have been felt by the dozens of Gatorade coolers at Wrigley Field when they and their families found out that their livelihood would no longer be endangered by the tyrannical reign of Carlos Zambrano. Every pitcher is entitled to punching the occasional inanimate object after a bad day, but I’m pretty sure that Big Z punched out more pieces of orange plastic than he did batters last season.

As for the remaining Cubs, things are looking bleak. Starlin Castro is a good young shortstop and Marlon Byrd had a career resurgence in Texas, but no one on the roster is going to be confused for an All-Star starter anytime soon.

Fun Fact – The Cubs have a backup catcher named Wellington who, somehow, isn’t white.

Cincinnati Reds

2011 was a year of frustration for the Reds.

Fresh off of a division title in 2010, the Reds had a ton of young talent that was poised to do even better. Nothing incredible happened. There weren’t any season-long slumps or devastating injuries, but things just never came around for Cincy.

They wallowed in mediocrity until mid-summer, then quietly faded away as the Cardinals made their late charge. And so the issue now lies in determining which team was the fluke. I choose the underachieving 2011 squad.

I still think that the Reds closely resemble the Phillies at the start of their recent string of division titles. Cincinnati has a ton of everyday players in their prime with power, speed and defense that can carry this team to big things.

The bullpen will probably be suspect and the starting rotation isn’t overwhelming, but if great offense and a rotation of Cole Hamels, Brett Myers and Jamie Moyer can win a title, than Bronson Arroyo, Matt Latos and Johnny Cueto could turn the same trick with guys like Joey Votto, Jay Bruce, Brandon Phillips and Ryan Ludwick slugging the Reds to wins in October.

Houston Astros

At some point about 6-7 years ago, the Astros must have done something to the Phillies that really pissed off the karma gods.

First, the Astros picked up former Philly GM Ed Wade, who rarely did anything productive. Then, in a gift that kept on giving, the Phillies talked Wade out of most of his good players in Houston.

Philadelphia talked Houston out of the best year of Brad Lidge’s career, two productive seasons of Roy Oswalt, and Hunter Pence in his prime. In return, the Astros have received studs the likes of Michael Bourn (actually good, but traded away), Brett Myers (21-22 as an Astro) and J.A. Happ (11-19 in Houston after nearly winning ROY in Philadelphia).

With names like J.D. Martinez, Jose Altuve and Brian Bogusevic expected to be in the everyday lineup, Houston runs away with this year’s award for “team most likely to not have a player taken in your fantasy draft”. Unless someone really has a thing for Wandy Rodriguez or a rash of injuries to first basemen causes the rotting corpse of Carlos Lee to come into demand, there might be a good amount of people that see Houston disappear from the N.L. Central next season (they’re moving to the A.L.) and simply assume that the entire franchise was sent down to Triple-A.

Milwaukee Brewers

The Brewers should just give up. The signs are all around.

Milwaukee has made the postseason just twice since 1984. Both times, a key player was the main reason for the team’s success. Both times, the Brewers realized this and threw all of their money at the player to keep him around. Both of these please were met with a resounding “meh.”

CC Sabathia and Prince Fielder both have a good chance of competing in the playoffs this season, but neither will do it for Milwaukee. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what about Milwaukee drives people away.

Oh, wait. No it isn’t. There’s nothing good about the upper Midwest. It’s cold, tornadoes are always trying to kill you, and outside of Chicago, there isn’t a lot of money or big companies milling around.

The good people of Milwaukee will feel good about themselves about Ryan Braun’s suspension being lifted, but they’ll also curse his name in a few years when his contract is up and he can skip town.

As for this season, Braun is going to have a tough time avoiding sideways stares and whispers about cheating the system unless he can repeat his MVP performance of last season.

Newly acquired Aramis Ramirez should keep some power in Prince’s vacated lineup spot, but it will take a repeat of the breakout years of Shaun Marcum, Chris Narveson, John Axford and Nyjer Morgan to get Milwaukee back into the playoffs.

Pittsburgh Pirates

A.J. Burnett couldn’t be a more perfect example of just how futile the Pirates’ efforts have become in the last two decades.

First off, A.J. Burnett – a guy that received big money to go to the Yankees, then repeatedly crumbled under pressure – now constitutes a big-name in terms of what Pittsburgh is able to bring to tow.

Secondly, after arriving at spring training, it took Burnett all of one week to remove himself from the lineup. Though he’s a B-plus pitcher at best, he was still slated to be the opening day starter. That is, of course, until he managed to break his own face in a bunting drill.

The Pirates are struggling, to say the least. Andrew McCutchen is going to be a huge success in this league, but there’s just nothing else going for Pittsburgh. Look at it this way; before McCutchen broke through two years ago, the Pirates’ representative at the All-Star game – since every team gets at least one representative – was Evan Meek.

Not a superstar, not a shut-down closer, not even a decent player at a position with a dearth of talent; Evan Meek. When middle relievers are the best foot that you can put forward as a team, it’s no wonder that next week is going to be the start of your quest for an unprecedented 20^th consecutive losing season.

St. Louis Cardinals

After a Cinderella run to a World Series title last season, it was a winter full of departures in St. Louis.

Albert Pujols left for the sunshine (or possibly the extra $50 million) in Los Angeles, while Tony LaRussa called it quits as manager. La Russa didn’t actually make it out of St. Louis until last Thursday, as he kept replacing the guy driving him to the airport at every light in order to get a better matchup.

A lot of people gave up on the Cards’ chances for a repeat the second Pujols left, but I’m not so sure. Lance Berkman had a career resurgence last season and Matt Holliday and Carlos Beltran – if they can stay healthy – will join Berkman in a middle of the batting order that will still be threatening. David Freese looked like a superstar all through the postseason and will probably be one of the best five third basemen in the N.L. this season, and Allen Craig – Freese’s fellow surprising newcomer in October – will be the fourth outfielder and likely first right-handed bat off of the bench.

Throw in a great catcher in Yadier Molina, a solid top of the rotation in a healthy Adam Wainwright, Jaime Garcia and Kyle Lohse, and a bullpen that was nearly unhittable down the stretch, and there’s no reason that the Cardinals can’t be playing late into October once again.

N.L. WEST

Arizona Diamondbacks

I’d like to take a moment for another flashback to horrible fantasy baseball decisions that I’ve made.

About three years ago, while in need of a decent starter, I traded away a shortstop and a reserve outfielder for Ian Kennedy. I really bought into the Yankees’ hype that he was their ace of the future, conveniently forgetting that the Yankees haven’t developed a good starter from their farm system since Andy Pettitte. Needless to say, Kennedy didn’t last half a season in the rotation and my team suffered.

Now, I’m sure that Kennedy is probably a fine person in real life, but I can’t just let it go when you hurt my fantasy team like that. No one was more enraged than me when he decided to go 21-4 out of absolutely nowhere last year. I know that battling the lineups of the Giants and Padres is easier than getting through the Red Sox and Rays, but he couldn’t get through the third inning without throwing up all over himself two years ago. How the hell do you go from that to 21-4?

Whatever. The hell with him. There’s no way he’s doing that again.

Mostly, it won’t happen again because there just isn’t enough talent to provide enough run support for 21 wins. Justin Upton should put up All-Star numbers and Jason Kubel is a nice new addition, but Chris Young’s impending .220 average will offset his HR contributions and – while talented - Ryan Roberts and Paul Goldschmidt can’t be depended on to carry the offense.

Behind Kennedy, a bunch of guys that would be No. 4 or 5 starters in most places won’t do enough to get this team near the playoffs.

Colorado Rockies

With a track record of doing big things in years where little was expected of them, it’s hard to ever call Colorado a sleeper team. Regardless, that’s what I’m calling them this year.

While the media goes nuts over the sale of the Dodgers and sportswriters drool over the starting rotation of the Giants, Colorado has built itself a pretty nice team.

Baseball-modified T-1000, err, I mean Troy Tulowitzki, leads the charge for the always-potent Rockies offense, but he also has plenty of help. Todd Helton continues to hit baseballs like they murdered his family and the addition of the always underrated Michael Cuddyer in right field was a great move.

If healthy, Carlos Gonzalez is an MVP threat in left and Dexter Fowler will be a big help in center as he continues to progress. Along with the power in the lineup, Marco Scutaro and Ramon Hernandez can both hit for average and should keep the lineup turning over.

The only thing keeping me from projecting a deep run is a complete lack of proven pitching.

Jhoulys Chacin and Jeremy Guthrie have had their moments, but have also been inconsistent. Drew Pomeranz has the makeup of an ace, but is still a rookie. If all three have good years, big things could happen in Colorado once again.

Los Angeles Dodgers

When the amount you paid for a baseball franchise could stock an aircraft carrier with F/A-18 Hornets, you probably paid a little too much.

Two billion dollars.

That kind of money can fund space exploration projects. A number that high belongs more in tax reform law than Major League Baseball. Even Dr. Evil thinks that number is a little over the top.

Two billion dollars is something you pay for broadcast rights to the Super Bowl, not for a team that just barely finished over .500 last season. By spearheading the ownership group and their comically large bid for the team, Magic Johnson really isn’t doing anything to fix his portrayal in that South Park episode about him.

I know that the Dodgers are in the second biggest media market in the country and that much more than on-field talent goes into the value of a team, but if I were an L.A. fan, I’d be pretty pissed that my $2 billion team includes the likes of Juan Rivera, Justin Sellers and Aaron Harang.

If Andre Either gets back to his 2010 level of play and James Loney ever lives up to the “N.L. batting champ for the next decade” tag that followed him to the majors, this could be a decent team.

Still, saying that this team isn’t going to live up to its value anytime in the next five years would be the understatement of the century.

San Diego Padres

In my opinion, there isn’t a better looking stadium – or more pleasant weather – to be found in the majors than what the Padres have in San Diego.

That last sentence concludes all of the nice things I have to say about the 2012 Padres.

Without newly signed Carlos Quentin and

Huston Street, San Diego

would have challenged the Astros’ ability to assemble a lineup that is totally undraftable for fantasy players.

Since nobody can hit anything out of Petco Park, having Quentin as the only powerful bat usually wouldn’t be a huge problem, but the Padres don’t even have guys that can drive in runs with doubles. Jason Bartlett and Orlando Hudson are solid defenders up the middle, but won’t contribute much on offense. Likewise, Cameron Maybin, Chase Headley and Will Venable are all major league caliber players, but serve as too many puzzle pieces on a team that needs a core.

If Clayton Richards and Cory Luebke continue to develop, the pitching will be good in 2013 and beyond, but until then, I suppose the weather will be nice this summer.

San Francisco Giants

I know that the Giants didn’t make the playoffs last season, but in a way, I’ll still consider this to be their chance to defend their 2010 title. When three of your starting eight position players are lost for the season – and all within a month of each other – you can’t really say that you ever had a chance.

Injuries are a part of the game, but it’s much more fun to see a team at full strength.

This season, that’s exactly how San Francisco will start the season. Buster Posey is back behind the plate as one of the best offensive catchers in the N.L. and Freddy Sanchez should reprise his role as perennially undervalued middle infielder.

Aubrey Huff and Pablo Sandoval have more than enough pop to sustain the offense and a full season of taking aim at the huge outfield gaps of AT&T/SBC/Pac Bell Park should greatly help his already impressive doubles and triples numbers.

The offense will be improved from last season and the pitching is still some of the best around. Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain are both threats to win 20 games while Madison Bumgarner is quickly becoming one of the better lefties in the game.

Some of the mystique of Brian Wilson’s beard wore off last season, but he still throws 95 mph with a nasty slider and should be in line for 40 saves.

And so, there you have it. That’s about all I have to say for each and every team this season.

Now watch me project how they’ll finish:

A.L. EAST

Tampa Bay

New York

Boston

Toronto

Baltimore

A.L. CENTRAL

Detroit

Kansas City

Chicago

Cleveland

Minnesota

A.L. WEST

Los Angeles

Texas

Seattle

Oakland

N.L. EAST

Philadelphia

Miami

Atlanta

Washington

New York

N.L. CENTRAL

Cincinnati

St. Louis

Pittsburgh

Chicago

Houston

N.L. WEST

San Francisco

Colorado

Los Angeles

Arizona

San Diego

WILD CARD ROUND

Texas over New York

Miami over St. Louis

DIVISIONAL ROUND

Philadelphia over Cincinnati

San Francisco over Miami

Detroit over Texas

Los Angeles over Tampa Bay

NLCS/ALCS

Philadelphia over San Francisco

Los Angeles over Detroit

WORLD SERIES

Los Angeles over Philadelphia in 6 games.

2012 MLB Preview

After finally remembering my sign-in information (because things like that slip your mind when you take a year between posts) I'm back to give my insight on the 2012 MLB season.

Much like the 2010 version, I'll spend at least a couple paragraphs on each team. Your best option is to print this out right now, keep it in the bathroom, then work your way through the league in your morning poops leading up to Opening Day.

We'll begin in the American League, which The Simpsons roasted with one of the best insults ever a couple of weeks ago, stating that "the designated hitter corrupts the purity of an otherwise elegant game."


A.L. EAST

Baltimore Orioles

There might not be a team in all of baseball put in tough spots as consistently as Baltimore. Trapped with Boston and New York replaying the Cold War arms race in metal cleats for the last decade and a half, things have only gotten tougher in the Orioles' division as Tampa Bay has now become a perennial contender to win the division and Toronto continues to treat most pitching staffs like their personal BP guy at the home run derby.

Just a few years ago, it seemed like pieces were starting to come together for the O's. Brian Roberts was one of the best second basemen in the game, Baltimore had just traded soon-to-be-permanently-broken Erik Bedard for one of the best prospects in the league in Adam Jones, and Nick Markakis looked like he could develop into an All-Star outfielder. Fast forward to this season, and the Orioles are still spinning their wheels in the mud.

Roberts has played just 98 games in the last two years and will begin 2012 on the DL, Jones' 75 HR and 476 strikeouts are vintage Willie Mays Hayes, and Markakis - perhaps due to no help in the batting order - has seen his HR and RBI totals drop heavily in the last two years. To top it all off, the projected starting rotation has a combined 53 MLB wins between the five of them. For those keeping score, 23 of the other 29 teams in the league has a starter with more than 53 wins all by himself.


Boston Red Sox

The last month of the 2011 Red Sox season was like watching a train wreck. A passenger train wreck. In slow motion. While floods and forest fires picked off any survivors. I could add 100 more words to that metaphor and it still couldn't approach the sadness and hyperbole that went hand-in-hand with Boston's pitiful choke. As someone who loves some good schadenfreude, the fact that this happened to the wholesome people of Baahhston was the icing on the cake.

To make things worse, Theo Epstein took his Moneyball brain to Chicago, Papelbon left town as a free agent and Terry Francona, who seemed like the only person trying to do his job in September, was cut loose.

While still sporting considerable talents like Adrian Gonzalez, Jacoby Ellsbury, John Lester and Josh Beckett, there are now some large holes developing at some positions and throughout the depth chart. Add that to the team chemistry questions and the fans still steaming over last season, and 2012 could be bad news in Boston.


New York Yankees

I'm not a huge Yankees fan, so I don't keep an exact count, but I'd guess that the Yankees have acquired 637 pitchers in the last five seasons. Hiroki Kuroda and Michael Pineida are the new additions this year, which should bolster what was one of the Yankees' biggest weaknesses last season.

While old in the field, New York can still mash better than just about any team out there. Texeira, A-Rod, Cano and Granderson all have the ability to hit 30 home runs.

Jeter is still Jeter, and Mariano Rivera is still waging his one-man "fuck you" quest directed at Bud Selig's gall to permanently retire a number (Since he was wearing 42 at the time, Rivera is grandfathered in on the Jackie Robinson rule).

The Yankees will probably struggle at times with their age, but if they get hot at the right time, they could easily win a title.


Tampa Bay Rays

After the Rays' miracle run to the World Series in 2008, it seemed impossible that they could keep up the winning. Tampa was built on tons of young talent, but the front office is notoriously cheap.

Sure enough, guys like Carl Crawford, Matt Garza and Scott Kazmir all left for more money, but the Rays have continued to find young guys that can win at the MLB level. Evan Longoria, Ben Zobrist and B.J. Upton - while all still pretty young - make up a solid veteran core, while outfielders Matt Joyce and Desmond Jennings could be stars in the making.

For rivals of the Rays, there's no easy way to put things when looking at the pitching staff in Tampa. If you have small children, you should probably put them to bed before looking at the rotation. James Shields, David Price and Jeremy Hellickson are all nasty. Then, there's Matt Moore, who appeared in all of three professional games before going full Steve Nebraska on Texas in the playoffs.

This team is filthy.


Toronto Blue Jays

The Blue Jays are like the Orioles if the Orioles had a little pride in themselves. Despite being trapped in the A.L. East and losing stars every time they grow one, the Blue Jays keep plugging away and have been in the wild card conversation as late as August a few times lately.

Much of the everyday lineup for Toronto is forgettable, but for some reason, teams keep throwing pitches in the general direction of Jose Bautista. Joey Bats will likely continue to hit bombs at an ungodly pace and third baseman Brett Lawrie is going to make whoever owns him in a fantasy league very, very happy.

Still, there just isn't much more to the offense. As for the pitching staff, Ricky Romero is good, but not an ace. Dustin McGowan is very good, but coming off of injury. The Blue Jays can't be pleased with Kyle Drabek, but they'll keep running him out there every fifth day, you know, since they gave up Roy Halladay for him and all.


A.L. CENTRAL

Chicago White Sox

The White Sox made me look bad last year. Like... super bad. I picked them to win their division and challenge for the American League title. Instead, they finished four games under .500, were out of the playoff race by July, and gave nobody any entertainment aside from a nightly watch to see if Ozzie Guillen would fight a player or maybe eat a small animal on live TV.

Chicago killed my fantasy team as well, as I sat out the early rush on the best first baseman, thinking that I got a steal with Adam Dunn in about the 10th round. Somewhere around Dunn's 100th strikeout in the first half of the season, I stopped cursing him and actually started cheering for more whiffs. It's very rare that people get to see that kind of awfulness displayed night in and night out. His huge contract, proven power numbers and a lack of healthy alternatives provided the perfect storm necessary to keep Dunn in the lineup.

For a professional athlete who, by all accounts, was trying his hardest to succeed, Adam Dunn's .159 batting average and 177 strikeouts should serve as a shining beacon for everyone out there who hits 20 bombs in slow pitch softball and thinks they could make the show.

The hell with this year's projection for the White Sox. They're just barely above average - if that - and Dunn is still their DH.


Cleveland Indians

Remember how bad the Indians were before Major League came out? Remember how Cleveland got ridiculously good a few years after and then dominated for half a decade?

Well, the Indians' front office obviously can't find the right talent to invest in, so maybe they should just take all of that money and produce another sequel.

Nothing much has gone right for Cleveland for a good long while now. Sure, they finished in second place last season, but they were also two games under .500. Not very impressive.

Also, in news that should shock absolutely no one, Grady Sizemore is hurt and won't be contributing anytime soon. I feel bad for Sizemore. From about 2005-2008, you didn't have a prayer of landing Sizemore on your fantasy team without a top-5 pick. The dude hit home runs, stole bases, and climbed the fence to steal away a sure home run seemingly every other night. Now, pouring a bowl of cereal without getting hurt is a pretty big accomplishment.

Without Sizemore, there isn't much pop or depth in the lineup. The pitching staff will be ok if Umbaldo Jumenez regains his form and someone remembers to get Derek Lowe out of the game after 4-5 innings, but nothing else special is going on with this team.


Detroit Tigers

If the Indians are the jealous type and upset over their lack of star power, those 19 games with Detroit are really going to piss them off.

Already sporting triple crow threat Miguel Cabrera and possible alien life form Justin Verlander, the Tigers went out and stole Prince Fielder off of the free agent market.

With those studs in place, the Tigers have plenty of help to compliment things. Ryan Raburn has good power and has gone deep seven times in spring training. Austin Jackson has the potential to be a plus player and patrolls center field well.

There are no other 20 game winners in the rotation after Verlander, but Max Scherzer, Doug Fister and Rick Porcello should all be able to win around 12-14 games with their offense supporting them.

The Tigers' achillies heel could be the bullpen. Jose Valverde was good last year, but has very hittable stuff as far as closers go. With hard hitting teams like the Yankees, Rangers and Angels standing in their postseason path, holding a slim 9th inning lead could get testy for Detroit.


Kansas City Royals

This is the year it finally happens. I can feel it.

For too long, the Royals have had a little bit of promising talent on the big league club and a treasure trove of skill in the minors. The last couple of years have seen the best of those minor leaguers get to the show and start to produce. This is the year it pays off in the win column and KC is over .500 for the first time since 2003.

The Royals don't have the overwhelming power or household names of some other teams, but the middle of their order has the potential to be a nightmare for opposing pitchers. Mike Moustakas, Alex Gordon, Eric Hosmer and Billy Butler all have the ability to hit over .280 and approach the 20 HR mark.

The Royals are just a starting pitcher or two away from being a serious contender. Luke Hochevar and Jonathan Sanchez are solid, but the likes of Bruce Chen isn't going to win KC a division. The loss of Joakim Soria doesn't help either, but finding someone to get the last three outs should be easier than finding a few who can get the first 20 or so.


Minnesota Twins

For so long, the Twins were my favorite feel good story. Their payroll was never in the top 10, but a few stars and some of that pluck and grittiness that all those heartwarming movies are made out of was constantly enough to find a way into the postseason and give the higher profile teams a scare in October.

They even had the foresight to let Johan Santana walk when he would have taken up too much of the budget to allow the rest of the team to succeed. Those kind of shrewd moves usually end up with success, but the prolonged breakdown of their three biggest talents is now killing the Twins.

Francisco Liriano has never been the same since hurting his arm in his second season and Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau are constant question marks.

Now, with those three doing more damage to the Twins' bank account than to division rivals, Minnesota is left with fringe players (Josh Willingham, Denard Span), reclaimation projects (Carl Pavano, Jason Marquis) and precious few promising young guys to fill the void.


A.L. WEST

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

I still can't stand that name that MLB forces people to use. The Angels just blew half of their word allotment for my preview on spitting their damn name out.

In case you've been in a coma since last October, you're probably aware of the Angels' offseasn spending spree. In what I can only attribute to a weird fluctuation that causes effective strategies - along with the rising and setting of the sun - to take longer to reach the west coast, a team out by the Pacific Ocean finally threw shitloads of money at their problems.

And, wouldn't you know it, everyone is now projecting the Angels to be a World Series contender.

The addition of Pujols and C.J. Wilson alone should be enough to add 10 wins to the Angels' record, and there is no shortage of talent elsewhere on the roster. Vernon Wells and Torii Hunter can still be forces at the plate and whether it's Peter Bourjos or Mike Trout is in center, both will play it well. For all of the hype that Wilson brings to the pitching staff, Jared Weaver is still the ace, with Dan Haren close behind. When those starters exit games with a lead, they'll have Jordan Walden ready to close things out.

The dark horse that could put the Angels over the top is Kendrys Morales. Ever since Morales' ill-fated decision to hit a walk-off grand slam (CAUTION: side effects may include broken ankle that costs you a year and a half of your prime), the Angels have wondered when they'd have him back.

Morales finally started playing some spring training games last week, but he has looked sharp and says that he's good to go. If his bat can join Pujols and the rest for at least 80 percent of this year's games, the Angels will be tough to beat.


Oakland Athletics

I like baseball. I really do. I'm a Phillies fan and don't have any A.L. teams that I root for, but I can still stare at a midseason Royals-Blue Jays game and be thoroughly captivated. I enjoy the storylines and like to keep tabs on the developing careers of young players.

All of that said, I don't know who the hell half of the people on Oakland's roster are. Ok... Maybe that was a bit over the top. Sure, I've heard of guys like Coco Crisp, Cliff Pennington, Brian Fuentes and Grant Balfour. But these are such marginal players that I honestly couldn't be sure what team any of them played for last season. Hell, if I wasn't looking at the roster, I wouldn't know who they play for now.

Kurt Suzuki, a slightly better than average catcher, is the most consistent offensive threat on this team. Seth Smith might add some power, but he's fresh from Coors Field and all former Rockies' offensive numbers should be suspect until they continue to contribute after their days in Colorado.

Brandon McCarthy was deemed a good enough pitcher to have ESPN magazine write a feature about him and Dallas Braden has a perfect game on his resume, but that's about all there is to say about this absolutely wretched team.


Seattle Mariners

Not much different from Oakland, Seattle is just a colder, wetter also ran a few hundred miles to the north. At least the Mariners make some money whenever Felix Hernandez starts and Safeco Field sells out. In fact, the Mariners should probably just hold Hernandez back from any road starts and at least entertain what few fans Seattle has.

Two promising young guys patrol the right side of the infield in Dustin Ackley and Justin Smoak. Chone Figgins is still productive offensively and defensively, but none of them can carry a team all season.

One of the few interesting stories following the Mariners is the continued decline of Ichiro. He's not a .330 hitter anymore. He might not hit .300 again. There's no doubt that his first 7-8 seasons in the league were incredible, but will that be enough to get him into the Hall of Fame?

Whatever. That's a question for seven or eight years down the road. I'm much more interested in rookie pitcher Charlie Freebush because, c'mon... Freebush.


Texas Rangers

And finally, we come to the only other reason to watch A.L. West games this season.

I can't even begin to fathom how bad it would have hurt to be a Rangers fan last season. They were ONE STRIKE AWAY from winning the World Series and had a two-run lead to boot. Then, they pissed it away and lost their shot at a title for the second straight year.

I would be suicidal. Actually, I could probably handle it now, but only because I've seen my team win it all. The Rangers have never been to the top of the mountain. They were a step away, but then David Freese decided that he wanted to never have to pay for a drink in St. Louis again.

The Rangers lost their ace pitcher in C.J. Wilson over the offseason. Even worse, Wilson is now pitching for the Rangers' biggest competition in the division. The Angels now have another weapon to throw in the way of Texas' quest for a third straight league championship, but teams will need to throw anything and everything they have at the 2012 version of Murderer's Row.

Mike Napoli is the best power hitting catcher in baseball. Ian Kinsler is one of the best hitting second basemen. Adrian Beltre and Nelson Cruz can easily hit 35 home runs and Josh Hamilton has literally killed human beings with baseballs that he has sent over fences.

Even with Wilson's departure, a bunch of young arms that performed well in the postseason return, along with transformed closer Neftali Feliz and Asian sensation Yu Darvish.

Losing one World Series can light a fire under a team, but losing another might put them out entirely.



Well, that's it for tonight. I'll be back in the next couple of days with my N.L. and playoff picks.