2012 MLB Preview

After finally remembering my sign-in information (because things like that slip your mind when you take a year between posts) I'm back to give my insight on the 2012 MLB season.

Much like the 2010 version, I'll spend at least a couple paragraphs on each team. Your best option is to print this out right now, keep it in the bathroom, then work your way through the league in your morning poops leading up to Opening Day.

We'll begin in the American League, which The Simpsons roasted with one of the best insults ever a couple of weeks ago, stating that "the designated hitter corrupts the purity of an otherwise elegant game."


A.L. EAST

Baltimore Orioles

There might not be a team in all of baseball put in tough spots as consistently as Baltimore. Trapped with Boston and New York replaying the Cold War arms race in metal cleats for the last decade and a half, things have only gotten tougher in the Orioles' division as Tampa Bay has now become a perennial contender to win the division and Toronto continues to treat most pitching staffs like their personal BP guy at the home run derby.

Just a few years ago, it seemed like pieces were starting to come together for the O's. Brian Roberts was one of the best second basemen in the game, Baltimore had just traded soon-to-be-permanently-broken Erik Bedard for one of the best prospects in the league in Adam Jones, and Nick Markakis looked like he could develop into an All-Star outfielder. Fast forward to this season, and the Orioles are still spinning their wheels in the mud.

Roberts has played just 98 games in the last two years and will begin 2012 on the DL, Jones' 75 HR and 476 strikeouts are vintage Willie Mays Hayes, and Markakis - perhaps due to no help in the batting order - has seen his HR and RBI totals drop heavily in the last two years. To top it all off, the projected starting rotation has a combined 53 MLB wins between the five of them. For those keeping score, 23 of the other 29 teams in the league has a starter with more than 53 wins all by himself.


Boston Red Sox

The last month of the 2011 Red Sox season was like watching a train wreck. A passenger train wreck. In slow motion. While floods and forest fires picked off any survivors. I could add 100 more words to that metaphor and it still couldn't approach the sadness and hyperbole that went hand-in-hand with Boston's pitiful choke. As someone who loves some good schadenfreude, the fact that this happened to the wholesome people of Baahhston was the icing on the cake.

To make things worse, Theo Epstein took his Moneyball brain to Chicago, Papelbon left town as a free agent and Terry Francona, who seemed like the only person trying to do his job in September, was cut loose.

While still sporting considerable talents like Adrian Gonzalez, Jacoby Ellsbury, John Lester and Josh Beckett, there are now some large holes developing at some positions and throughout the depth chart. Add that to the team chemistry questions and the fans still steaming over last season, and 2012 could be bad news in Boston.


New York Yankees

I'm not a huge Yankees fan, so I don't keep an exact count, but I'd guess that the Yankees have acquired 637 pitchers in the last five seasons. Hiroki Kuroda and Michael Pineida are the new additions this year, which should bolster what was one of the Yankees' biggest weaknesses last season.

While old in the field, New York can still mash better than just about any team out there. Texeira, A-Rod, Cano and Granderson all have the ability to hit 30 home runs.

Jeter is still Jeter, and Mariano Rivera is still waging his one-man "fuck you" quest directed at Bud Selig's gall to permanently retire a number (Since he was wearing 42 at the time, Rivera is grandfathered in on the Jackie Robinson rule).

The Yankees will probably struggle at times with their age, but if they get hot at the right time, they could easily win a title.


Tampa Bay Rays

After the Rays' miracle run to the World Series in 2008, it seemed impossible that they could keep up the winning. Tampa was built on tons of young talent, but the front office is notoriously cheap.

Sure enough, guys like Carl Crawford, Matt Garza and Scott Kazmir all left for more money, but the Rays have continued to find young guys that can win at the MLB level. Evan Longoria, Ben Zobrist and B.J. Upton - while all still pretty young - make up a solid veteran core, while outfielders Matt Joyce and Desmond Jennings could be stars in the making.

For rivals of the Rays, there's no easy way to put things when looking at the pitching staff in Tampa. If you have small children, you should probably put them to bed before looking at the rotation. James Shields, David Price and Jeremy Hellickson are all nasty. Then, there's Matt Moore, who appeared in all of three professional games before going full Steve Nebraska on Texas in the playoffs.

This team is filthy.


Toronto Blue Jays

The Blue Jays are like the Orioles if the Orioles had a little pride in themselves. Despite being trapped in the A.L. East and losing stars every time they grow one, the Blue Jays keep plugging away and have been in the wild card conversation as late as August a few times lately.

Much of the everyday lineup for Toronto is forgettable, but for some reason, teams keep throwing pitches in the general direction of Jose Bautista. Joey Bats will likely continue to hit bombs at an ungodly pace and third baseman Brett Lawrie is going to make whoever owns him in a fantasy league very, very happy.

Still, there just isn't much more to the offense. As for the pitching staff, Ricky Romero is good, but not an ace. Dustin McGowan is very good, but coming off of injury. The Blue Jays can't be pleased with Kyle Drabek, but they'll keep running him out there every fifth day, you know, since they gave up Roy Halladay for him and all.


A.L. CENTRAL

Chicago White Sox

The White Sox made me look bad last year. Like... super bad. I picked them to win their division and challenge for the American League title. Instead, they finished four games under .500, were out of the playoff race by July, and gave nobody any entertainment aside from a nightly watch to see if Ozzie Guillen would fight a player or maybe eat a small animal on live TV.

Chicago killed my fantasy team as well, as I sat out the early rush on the best first baseman, thinking that I got a steal with Adam Dunn in about the 10th round. Somewhere around Dunn's 100th strikeout in the first half of the season, I stopped cursing him and actually started cheering for more whiffs. It's very rare that people get to see that kind of awfulness displayed night in and night out. His huge contract, proven power numbers and a lack of healthy alternatives provided the perfect storm necessary to keep Dunn in the lineup.

For a professional athlete who, by all accounts, was trying his hardest to succeed, Adam Dunn's .159 batting average and 177 strikeouts should serve as a shining beacon for everyone out there who hits 20 bombs in slow pitch softball and thinks they could make the show.

The hell with this year's projection for the White Sox. They're just barely above average - if that - and Dunn is still their DH.


Cleveland Indians

Remember how bad the Indians were before Major League came out? Remember how Cleveland got ridiculously good a few years after and then dominated for half a decade?

Well, the Indians' front office obviously can't find the right talent to invest in, so maybe they should just take all of that money and produce another sequel.

Nothing much has gone right for Cleveland for a good long while now. Sure, they finished in second place last season, but they were also two games under .500. Not very impressive.

Also, in news that should shock absolutely no one, Grady Sizemore is hurt and won't be contributing anytime soon. I feel bad for Sizemore. From about 2005-2008, you didn't have a prayer of landing Sizemore on your fantasy team without a top-5 pick. The dude hit home runs, stole bases, and climbed the fence to steal away a sure home run seemingly every other night. Now, pouring a bowl of cereal without getting hurt is a pretty big accomplishment.

Without Sizemore, there isn't much pop or depth in the lineup. The pitching staff will be ok if Umbaldo Jumenez regains his form and someone remembers to get Derek Lowe out of the game after 4-5 innings, but nothing else special is going on with this team.


Detroit Tigers

If the Indians are the jealous type and upset over their lack of star power, those 19 games with Detroit are really going to piss them off.

Already sporting triple crow threat Miguel Cabrera and possible alien life form Justin Verlander, the Tigers went out and stole Prince Fielder off of the free agent market.

With those studs in place, the Tigers have plenty of help to compliment things. Ryan Raburn has good power and has gone deep seven times in spring training. Austin Jackson has the potential to be a plus player and patrolls center field well.

There are no other 20 game winners in the rotation after Verlander, but Max Scherzer, Doug Fister and Rick Porcello should all be able to win around 12-14 games with their offense supporting them.

The Tigers' achillies heel could be the bullpen. Jose Valverde was good last year, but has very hittable stuff as far as closers go. With hard hitting teams like the Yankees, Rangers and Angels standing in their postseason path, holding a slim 9th inning lead could get testy for Detroit.


Kansas City Royals

This is the year it finally happens. I can feel it.

For too long, the Royals have had a little bit of promising talent on the big league club and a treasure trove of skill in the minors. The last couple of years have seen the best of those minor leaguers get to the show and start to produce. This is the year it pays off in the win column and KC is over .500 for the first time since 2003.

The Royals don't have the overwhelming power or household names of some other teams, but the middle of their order has the potential to be a nightmare for opposing pitchers. Mike Moustakas, Alex Gordon, Eric Hosmer and Billy Butler all have the ability to hit over .280 and approach the 20 HR mark.

The Royals are just a starting pitcher or two away from being a serious contender. Luke Hochevar and Jonathan Sanchez are solid, but the likes of Bruce Chen isn't going to win KC a division. The loss of Joakim Soria doesn't help either, but finding someone to get the last three outs should be easier than finding a few who can get the first 20 or so.


Minnesota Twins

For so long, the Twins were my favorite feel good story. Their payroll was never in the top 10, but a few stars and some of that pluck and grittiness that all those heartwarming movies are made out of was constantly enough to find a way into the postseason and give the higher profile teams a scare in October.

They even had the foresight to let Johan Santana walk when he would have taken up too much of the budget to allow the rest of the team to succeed. Those kind of shrewd moves usually end up with success, but the prolonged breakdown of their three biggest talents is now killing the Twins.

Francisco Liriano has never been the same since hurting his arm in his second season and Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau are constant question marks.

Now, with those three doing more damage to the Twins' bank account than to division rivals, Minnesota is left with fringe players (Josh Willingham, Denard Span), reclaimation projects (Carl Pavano, Jason Marquis) and precious few promising young guys to fill the void.


A.L. WEST

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

I still can't stand that name that MLB forces people to use. The Angels just blew half of their word allotment for my preview on spitting their damn name out.

In case you've been in a coma since last October, you're probably aware of the Angels' offseasn spending spree. In what I can only attribute to a weird fluctuation that causes effective strategies - along with the rising and setting of the sun - to take longer to reach the west coast, a team out by the Pacific Ocean finally threw shitloads of money at their problems.

And, wouldn't you know it, everyone is now projecting the Angels to be a World Series contender.

The addition of Pujols and C.J. Wilson alone should be enough to add 10 wins to the Angels' record, and there is no shortage of talent elsewhere on the roster. Vernon Wells and Torii Hunter can still be forces at the plate and whether it's Peter Bourjos or Mike Trout is in center, both will play it well. For all of the hype that Wilson brings to the pitching staff, Jared Weaver is still the ace, with Dan Haren close behind. When those starters exit games with a lead, they'll have Jordan Walden ready to close things out.

The dark horse that could put the Angels over the top is Kendrys Morales. Ever since Morales' ill-fated decision to hit a walk-off grand slam (CAUTION: side effects may include broken ankle that costs you a year and a half of your prime), the Angels have wondered when they'd have him back.

Morales finally started playing some spring training games last week, but he has looked sharp and says that he's good to go. If his bat can join Pujols and the rest for at least 80 percent of this year's games, the Angels will be tough to beat.


Oakland Athletics

I like baseball. I really do. I'm a Phillies fan and don't have any A.L. teams that I root for, but I can still stare at a midseason Royals-Blue Jays game and be thoroughly captivated. I enjoy the storylines and like to keep tabs on the developing careers of young players.

All of that said, I don't know who the hell half of the people on Oakland's roster are. Ok... Maybe that was a bit over the top. Sure, I've heard of guys like Coco Crisp, Cliff Pennington, Brian Fuentes and Grant Balfour. But these are such marginal players that I honestly couldn't be sure what team any of them played for last season. Hell, if I wasn't looking at the roster, I wouldn't know who they play for now.

Kurt Suzuki, a slightly better than average catcher, is the most consistent offensive threat on this team. Seth Smith might add some power, but he's fresh from Coors Field and all former Rockies' offensive numbers should be suspect until they continue to contribute after their days in Colorado.

Brandon McCarthy was deemed a good enough pitcher to have ESPN magazine write a feature about him and Dallas Braden has a perfect game on his resume, but that's about all there is to say about this absolutely wretched team.


Seattle Mariners

Not much different from Oakland, Seattle is just a colder, wetter also ran a few hundred miles to the north. At least the Mariners make some money whenever Felix Hernandez starts and Safeco Field sells out. In fact, the Mariners should probably just hold Hernandez back from any road starts and at least entertain what few fans Seattle has.

Two promising young guys patrol the right side of the infield in Dustin Ackley and Justin Smoak. Chone Figgins is still productive offensively and defensively, but none of them can carry a team all season.

One of the few interesting stories following the Mariners is the continued decline of Ichiro. He's not a .330 hitter anymore. He might not hit .300 again. There's no doubt that his first 7-8 seasons in the league were incredible, but will that be enough to get him into the Hall of Fame?

Whatever. That's a question for seven or eight years down the road. I'm much more interested in rookie pitcher Charlie Freebush because, c'mon... Freebush.


Texas Rangers

And finally, we come to the only other reason to watch A.L. West games this season.

I can't even begin to fathom how bad it would have hurt to be a Rangers fan last season. They were ONE STRIKE AWAY from winning the World Series and had a two-run lead to boot. Then, they pissed it away and lost their shot at a title for the second straight year.

I would be suicidal. Actually, I could probably handle it now, but only because I've seen my team win it all. The Rangers have never been to the top of the mountain. They were a step away, but then David Freese decided that he wanted to never have to pay for a drink in St. Louis again.

The Rangers lost their ace pitcher in C.J. Wilson over the offseason. Even worse, Wilson is now pitching for the Rangers' biggest competition in the division. The Angels now have another weapon to throw in the way of Texas' quest for a third straight league championship, but teams will need to throw anything and everything they have at the 2012 version of Murderer's Row.

Mike Napoli is the best power hitting catcher in baseball. Ian Kinsler is one of the best hitting second basemen. Adrian Beltre and Nelson Cruz can easily hit 35 home runs and Josh Hamilton has literally killed human beings with baseballs that he has sent over fences.

Even with Wilson's departure, a bunch of young arms that performed well in the postseason return, along with transformed closer Neftali Feliz and Asian sensation Yu Darvish.

Losing one World Series can light a fire under a team, but losing another might put them out entirely.



Well, that's it for tonight. I'll be back in the next couple of days with my N.L. and playoff picks.