2013 MLB Preview

It’s finally here, everybody!!!

After a long winter spent crying over the downfall of my Phillies, then looking fondly upon my optimism during last year’s preview – only to cry even harder when I saw how horribly wrong I was about everything – I’m back and ready to do a lot better in 2013.

As usual, I’ll be covering all 29 Major League teams, plus the Astros. The praise, jeers and backhanded compliments are all meant in good fun, but I’ll do my level best to be as unbiased and informative as possible with my actual projections.

So without further ado – except for the N.L. teams; they’re up tomorrow – here is how I see things shaping up.

A.L. East

1^st place – Tampa Bay Rays

A little bit of a surprise right off the bat. Most people have already given the division title to the Toronto Blue Jays, but for all of the big splashes that they made in the offseason, I’m not totally sold on them outlasting the Rays. Tampa boasts two starters with ace stuff (David Price and Matt Moore) the 2011 ROY in Jeremy Hellickson, and a 2013 ROY candidate in Alex Cobb.

Many thought that the 2008 World Series season was a fluke, but the Rays have done a good job of remaining relevant and rebuilding. In addition to Evan Longoria, the Rays have a proven All-Star with Ben Zobrist. The trio of Matt Joyce, Desmond Jennings and Will Myers will make Tampa lethal if all play to their potential.

2^nd place – Toronto Blue Jays

I will never cheer for the Blue Jays to win it all and will probably bust out a nice cigar and good bottle of scotch the day that Joe Carter dies. I’m sure he’s a great guy and all, but you will never be forgiven for crushing the hopes and dreams of an 8-year-old Mike Anthony.

All of that long-simmering hatred aside, I think that people who are calling for 90-plus wins out of the Blue Jays are getting a little bit ahead of themselves. Jose Reyes was the gem in that blockbuster trade with Miami, but he has only been an All-Star caliber player once in the last four seasons. Even more concerning – that one great year JUST SO HAPPENED to be a contract year. Reyes’ selfishness was evident when he pulled himself out of the last game of the 2011 season just to be sure that he would win the batting title. I don’t doubt his abilities, but I certainly call into question his willingness to play hard every day now that he’s got his fat contract.

There are other question marks amongst the Jays’ stars as it still remains to be seen if Jose Bautista can come back to 100 percent off of his wrist injury and Josh Johnson has never approached his viciousness pre-surgery. Toronto should be plenty good, but they might not be great.

3^rd place – Baltimore Orioles

I know that I disappointed a few friends and family members back up in York, PA (closer to Baltimore than it is to Philly or Pittsburgh) last season when I took more than a few cheap shots at the O’s. I’m also sure that any of those hurt feelings were easily mended as the Orioles shocked all of baseball in making a run to the playoffs.

Most of the faces are back from that rag-tag group of overachievers, but that might not be a great thing. There was a very good reason that no one saw the O’s coming last year. Of all of the scouts, front office guys and talking heads who are paid a lot of money to figure out who is good at baseball, none of them came up with an answer of ‘The Baltimore Orioles’.

Baltimore certainly has some good players in Adam Jones, Nick Markakis and Matt Wieters. If guys like Manny Machado, Chris Davis, and just about every pitcher on the staff can prove that their career years last season weren’t a fluke, the O’s could be good again. But no matter how underrated any of these guys were last year, the law of averages seems like it’s ready to take revenge for crazy things like a 29-9 record in one-run games or 16 consecutive extra inning wins.

4^th place – New York Yankees

If I were to present to you a team whose optimal starting eight position players had a combined age of 236 years, what would you call them? If you called them the Yankees, you’d be wrong. You would still be one averaged-aged starter short of reaching the combined 269 years of creaky bones that New York plans on trotting out there.

The good news is that the Yankees’ opening day lineup will be significantly younger than that. The bad news is that this will be the case because some old fogeys like A-Rod and Mark Teixeira couldn’t even make it through the offseason in one piece.

When the Yankees are healthy and firing on all cylinders, even their advanced age won’t stop them from piling up runs. But most of their injuries are projected to drag on for a long time and it’s doubtful that the equally old and iffy pitching staff will be able to pick up much slack.

5^th place – Boston Red Sox

This was a tough call to make. In a Boston fanatic’s fever dream, the Sox will win the division this season. That’s not anything new or surprising, but what worries me is that the Red Sox have far too many All-Star level players for a last place team and I don’t want to suffer the shame of my preseason A.L. East cellar dweller making the playoffs for a second straight year.

Jacoby Ellsbury, Mike Napoli, Will Middlebrooks and Dustin Pedroia could create a very formidable top of the lineup and Jon Lester still has the stuff to win 20 games. But for every star or possible breakout star in the ranks, there are guys like perennial underachiever Stephen Drew or one-man infield pop-up machine Shane Victorino.

There is still some talent in Boston, but with legitimately good and legitimately OK teams dotting the division, the Sawx might not have what it takes to stave off 90 losses.

A.L. Central

1^st place – Detroit Tigers

Detroit showed its true championship pedigree last season. Not by that run to the World Series. Any good team can get hot and do that. I’m talking about the 80 percent of the regular season that the Tigers slept through before flipping the switch and lighting their division on fire. The Tigers weren’t great for much of the season, but in a less-than-stellar A.L. Central, they didn’t have to be. When the time came to start getting serious, no one else in the division had a chance.

The same scenario could very easily play out again this season. The Royals and Indians have both improved, but not enough to challenge for playoff spots. The Tigers were clearly the best of the bunch last season and should only get better with a healthy Victor Martinez still in the lineup. Triple Crowns are about the rarest thing to happen in baseball, but Miguel Cabrera is such a freak that he might make a run at another.

The bullpen will remain the Tigers’ biggest question mark, but with a potent lineup and a starting rotation full of guys who would be the No. 3 starter or better just about anywhere else, Detroit might lead most of its games by so much that a shaky last few innings won’t matter.

2^nd place – Kansas City Royals

I don’t know why I always think that the Royals are on the verge of breaking through. I have somehow found myself bearing the Sisyphean task of studying Kansas City, buying into all of its young talent, hyping them up, and then watching them lose 15 of their first 20 games and never get into the race.

Looking at hitting, power, defense, pitching, and all of that fun stuff, it’s clear that the Royals aren’t an A+ in anything. But then again, you’d have a hard time grading them much worse than at least average at any of those spots.

I like to think that my reckless days of calling for a Royals division title are behind me, but I still want to believe in the potential of this squad. I’m going to meet my hopes and cold reality somewhere in the middle. I think that the Royals get off to a much better start this year and are a feel-good story for most of the summer, but aren’t quite on the Tigers’ level.

3^rd place – Chicago White Sox

There are no shortage of people who would love to pick Chicago to with the A.L. Central. I can certainly understand their enthusiasm, but the problem is that all of that enthusiasm boils down to a handful of really good starters and a bullpen that should be great.

Don’t get me wrong. Both of those things are definitely great to have. In fact, I would guess that at least two or three teams do a lot right this season, only to miss out on the playoffs precisely because they don’t have dominant starters or relievers. But I just don’t see where the White Sox will score enough runs to do any real damage.

The offense is basically an aging Paul Konerko, a schizophrenic Adam Dunn, and a bunch of guys who only have decent career stats because they get hot for one month each season.

Chris Sale may very well win this year’s A.L. Cy Young and Addison Reed could become the new ‘it’ closer in MLB, but there just won’t be enough pop to make much magic in September.

4^th place – Cleveland Indians

The Indians made some solid moves late in the postseason (signing Michael Bourn and wrestling Nick Swisher away from the Yankees). The definitely improved themselves, but it won’t be enough to make much of a difference.

There are definitely other bright spots for Cleveland like up and coming Jason Kipnis and the majestic home runs that Mark Reynolds will hit when he isn’t busy striking out 200 times. But those can’t make up for the fact that the rest of the Indians’ roster is made up of average veterans and guys that even die-hard scouts don’t know about.

The ‘Major League’ franchise really ruined the Indians for anyone who wasn’t a fan before the movies came out. I feel like the Indians could become legitimately good, but nobody would give them credit until they see Bob Ueker cracking wise in the press box or someone sacrificing a live chicken in the dugout.

5^th place – Minnesota Twins

It was only a few years ago that the Twins topped even the Oakland A’s at being a successful team without the benefit of a big payroll. Minnesota tried to make the leap to full-fledged juggernaut by inking its two stars to huge deals and building a shiny new stadium, but everything has gone straight to hell.

Where the Twins could once do no wrong (finding some guy named Johan on the scrap heap, letting him walk just after he started to go downhill, getting top level production out of cheap guys like Jason Kubel and Nick Punto), there is no little that is going right. Mauer’s knees – and power – are starting to fade, Morneau has never come the whole way back from his concussion problems of four years ago, and that nice new ballpark has turned into a cavernous trap unbefitting of a team that doesn’t hit tons of home runs or defend well.

The Twins have overcome problems like this before, but they usually depended on a strong core of pitching to do so. That’s no longer the case, as Vance Worley – the No. 5 starter for Philadelphia – is slated to take the mound for the Twins on opening day. I’ll just let you use your imagination to fill out the rest of the rotation.

A.L. West

1^st place – Los Angeles Angels

The Angels surprised just about everyone in the baseball world last season as they never fully hit their stride. Despite offseason free agent addition Albert Pujols and midseason addition of Mike Trout – who hails from some planet where everyone is much, much better at baseball than us puny earthlings – the Angels couldn’t do better than third place.

Undeterred, Los Angeles went ahead and pulled off another free agent coup, signing Josh Hamilton away from the division rival Rangers. I suppose it’s possible that the Angels underperform again, but they have structured themselves in a way where underperforming could still lead to 90 or more wins.

The Angels are a juggernaut that seem preordained to win the division, if not much more. The real drama will come when L.A. plays new division rival Houston. A roster that is arguably the best in baseball gets 19 cracks at one that is inarguably the worst. Is a 19-0 mark possible?

2^nd place – Oakland A’s

There is little more debate about whether or not ‘moneyball’ works. Billy Beane is on his third or fourth fringe metric-generated roster of castoffs and nobodies that are continuing the proud Oakland tradition of surprising everyone, getting to the postseason, and then wilting in the playoffs.

I would say that there is no shame in that, but now that one-third of all teams make it to the postseason (which I support – additional TV ratings and tickets sales are doing great things for the fringe wild card teams), the A’s have to do better. Now that there are three full rounds, not to mention a possible play-in game, standing between the ‘we made the postseason dog-pile’ and a world championship, having a mostly anonymous roster is no longer such a strange thing to come across.

Ironically, the one thing that could get the A’s over the hump is the least ‘moneyball’-esque player on the roster. Oakland hit a home run by signing big money foreign free agent Yoenis Cespedes. A solid pitching staff and juuussst enough offense will again be the blueprint for this year’s squad. If the A’s have the balls to pick up a big piece through a trade, maybe they can finally break through.

3^rd place – Texas Rangers

If there has ever been a non-Phillies team that I’ve felt sorry for, it’s the Rangers. They went to back-to-back World Series and had the better overall team on at least one (probably both) of those teams.

The Rangers will still mash and have the perfect ballpark to do it in. The Rangers have added Lance Berkman’s sometimes-potent bat into the fray, but the acquisition that has slipped under the radar is that of A.J. Pierzynski. Texas is going to miss Josh Hamilton sorely, but will recoup some of the wins that left town with Hamilton in the new wins gained by opposing teams wanting to punch Pierzynski in the face so bad that they forget about trying to win the actual game.

Texas still has an above average pitching rotation and a decent bullpen, but they just don’t have the guns to go for their third division title in four years. A wild card berth is definitely an attainable goal for this team, but even that thought is just another reason to mourn a fading team that should have a World Series ring or two already.

4^th place – Seattle Mariners

This year’s edition of the Mariners tried to get a little better, but there is little hope of catching up to all of its old division rivals. The good news for Seattle is that it has a new division rival that – short of a plane crash – it can’t possibly finish behind. The M’s still don’t have a ton of star power, but at least they aren’t pathetic.

The one person on this team that any fan would know is Felix Hernandez. Seattle smartly locked him down to a long term extension. The problem, however, is that even die-hard baseball fans like myself have trouble recognizing another of the other four starters (or most of the bullpen) that Seattle is set to trot out this season.

Looking at the field, the Mariners aren’t great, but they also aren’t horrible. Justin Smoak and Dustin Ackley are still promising youngsters and the duo of Kandrys Morales and Michael Morse could make a better than average middle of the order if everything goes right.

The Mariners are doing a decent enough job of rebuilding their franchise, but the crappy part of that process is that you have to willingly go through a few bad years before any progress is shown. If Seattle can stay the course and stick to its convictions, there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel.

5^th place – Houston Astros

Great news for Astros fans. You definitely aren’t headed towards another sixth place finish. Less great news – this is only the case because your new division only has five members.

Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if this team found a way to finish sixth in a five-team race. I know that rebuilding can be rough and I realize that there are some baseball players who are grossly overpaid, but there’s really no excuse for the Astros paying their entire 25-man roster less than what Alex Rodriguez will make. That’s not a joke. Hand to God. That’s true.

For the second consecutive season, the Astros coast into the clubhouse with the title of team that is least likely to have any of its players taken in a fantasy draft. The only real possibilities that an Astro will go in your draft is if your league is deep enough that Jose Altuve becomes attractive or if you have a player in your league that has been in a coma since 2008 that jumps on Carlos Pena.

Houston has to face three good teams and one not-horrible team 19 times each. Now in the A.L. West, the Astros don’t even get the reprieve of playing the Cubs or a tail-spinning Pirates squad this year. It’s going to be a long death march through the blistering Texas summer. Godspeed, Astros.

Well, that’s it for today. Tune in again tomorrow as most of the league gets things underway. I’ll be unveiling my thoughts on the National League, as well as my playoff predictions, tomorrow afternoon.

Soccer - The final frontier

sis-ter kiss-er

noun

1.      One who kisses his own female kin

2.      One who is known to shy away from confrontation

3.      A tie in a sporting event, much like the 0-0 draw between Mexico and the U.S. Tuesday night

Soccer. Hey. What’s up, man? Why don’t you come and have a seat over here?

Listen, soccer. I get what you’re all about. I don’t understand you entirely and I’ve certainly said some less than complimentary things about you in the past, but I’ve been making an honest effort to get to know you better and to appreciate your finer points.

All of that said, I think that we might just have to agree that we aren’t meant to be together. I think that we make good friends. We can definitely get drunk and hook up once in a while. But I just don’t see this leading anywhere serious.

I’ll admit it. I used to take the easy way out with soccer. Back before the United States was given any sort of credit on the international stage, you could lump me in with most of the rest of the country in firing off a few condescending remarks about the sport during the 1 percent of my time that I wasn’t going out of my way to totally ignore it.

In the last decade or so, I like to think that I’ve done my part to work on the relationship. After making a few friends who have played soccer throughout their childhood, I made an honest attempt to understand the game. It took a little bit of effort, but I was able to begin to understand the ebbs and flows of a top-flight soccer match – not to mention the unbridled patriotism on display during the World Cup that was easy for me to get caught up in.

After years of following the United States men’s national team and investing in a country that is trying to become an international force in the world’s most popular sport, I feel like I have done my part.

Unfortunately, I don’t think that I can say the same for soccer.

And that’s not to disparage the sport. I don’t think that U.S. soccer has done anything wrong. This is just something that was beyond its control.

You see, I – like many American sport lovers – am ready to fully invest myself in whatever athletic team that I choose to root for. This isn’t an uncommon trait for a red-blooded American male. I am part of the reason that liquor is consumed at 9 a.m. on college football Saturdays, that death threats pour into hosts of sports radio programs, and that innocent trees can become the target of a heated rivalry.

And, in this respect, I – along with my insane brethren – am on the international level as far as the borderline sociopathic support for my country’s soccer team is concerned.

It’s just too bad that United States soccer (through no real fault of its own) is unable to get on this level.

It’s a shame, but no matter how good they get or haw many world powers they knock off, the USMNT is never going to be more than an emergency excuse to get riled up and drink/party/vandalize on a random weekday night (and at odd hours, depending on the location of the match). Soccer is America’s bowling night or softball league. It’s an excuse to hang out and drink that is thinly veiled as some sort of athletically-oriented social event.

Soccer’s problem in America isn’t with the people who watch it. It’s with the people who play it. Anyone can wear an American flag as a cape and turn on ESPN at kickoff. It takes a top-tier athlete to win soccer matches for his country, and all of America’s best athletes are busy playing just about anything that isn’t soccer.

Let’s face it. For all of the blood, sweat and tears that Americans put into achieving greatness in a sport, the endgame usually has something to do with a huge check or millions of fans knowing who you are. There is no shortage of great athletes in this country – just take a look at the medal count for any Olympic games if you disagree – but there is also a long line in front of soccer when it comes to sports that feature fame and fortune for those who seek it.

This is where the ol’ U S of A will always fall short as far as soccer is concerned. In just about every other country, the ultimate goal of the best athletes is to play for the national soccer team. In America, playing soccer professionally is basically the last option of ultra competitive cross-country runners who have good foot-eye coordination and who can’t get a college degree.

In America, there are just too many other options that will reward athletes with much more money. Football, baseball, basketball, and lucrative reality television contracts all offer much more than an average MLS player can ever hope to earn. Even if a teenager has a promising soccer career going, how is he supposed to pursue that if any of those other options seem viable?

Meanwhile, you’ve got kids in South America, Europe and Africa whose only other lucrative options if they find themselves as athletically talented youths include running drug cartels, being an awkward white big man in the NBA who flames out, or becoming a warlord in their ravaged nation. With so few options, just about every other country on the planet sends the best of the best to do battle against the fourth or fifth-string athletes that settle for playing soccer for the U.S.

Just think about it. The U.S. is taking a bunch of private school kids who weren’t big or fast enough to get football scholarships and pitting them against teams that are made up of guys who have dreamed of playing for their national team since they could kick a soccer ball.

It’s a losing battle and, quite frankly, the rest of the world should be in awe of the fact that we can routinely qualify for the World Cup with our also-ran athletes.

Just imagine if the U.S. was as soccer crazy as the rest of the world. Let me introduce you to the current starting lineup for the Stars and Stripes:

F – LeBron James

            Regarded by many as one of the best athletes in any sport, it stands to reason that LeBron would be a worldwide force if he ‘took his talents’ to the soccer pitch. James is taller and bigger than most elite soccer defenders and is rumored to have a 40 time somewhere in the 4.6 range. Good luck marking him when someone lofts a high pass downfield

F – Adrian Peterson

            This dude came within a few yards of the all-time NFL rushing record less than a year removed from shedding up his knee. Peterson is a freak of nature who can outmuscle anyone that he can’t outrun and vice-versa. “All Day” wouldn’t just be his nickname. It would be the amount of time that defenders spent fearing his next run down the field.

M – Mike Trout

            The reigning AL Rookie of the Year (and nearly the MVP) goes right alongside Peterson with being some sort of abnormal fluke of raw athletic talent. Not only does Trout possess world-class speed, but he wouldn’t need to have the ball to be dangerous. His ability to track fly balls would translate nicely into winning headers at midfield.       

M – Landon Donovan

            If we’re going to revamp the lineup, there needs to be at least a little bit of veteran leadership. Landon Donovan has been the face of U.S. soccer for over a decade. A few bad performances in big games gave him an awful reputation, but Donovan went from whipping boy to national hero in one-tenth of a second with his goal against Algeria in the last World Cup. He may be past his prime, but every good team needs a wily veteran.       

M – Cliint Dempsey

            While Donovan provides the veteran leadership, Clint Dempsey accounts for about 90 percent of the U.S.’s current soccer swagger. This addition has nothing to do with continuity. Dempsey is, quite simply, one of the best soccer players in the world. America is lucky to have him and he would likely headline the team, no matter how many of our citizens tried their hand at the game.

M – Kobe Bryant

            This guy might be a little bit over the hill as far as athletic abilities are concerned, but Kobe is the most cold-blooded killer that American sports has to offer. Bryant would make for a perfect defensive midfielder. He has the athleticism to shut down attacks and the vision and creativity to start his own offensive. Plus, you know that you could count on him to provide some late heroics if the situation dictated it. Shaq would probably stop trash-talking Kobe altogether if he amassed all of those NBA titles AND a World Cup.

D – Dustin Brown

            Playing defense in international soccer is like playing offensive line in the NFL. It’s a thankless job. Of all the times that you are singled out by commentators, 10 percent are for great plays, but the other 90 percent is for when you caused something awful to happen for your team. Hockey defensemen are a little more balanced as far as the hero/goat equation goes, but there are few people more intimidating or more committed to making sure that an opposing offense doesn’t finish the game with all of its bones or muscles in the same configuration that they started in. Go ahead and chalk up the NHL’s best American defenseman for this team.          

D – Darrelle Revis

            For all of the physicality that Dustin Brown brings to this dream team, there is an explosiveness that is lacking. With Revis on the squad, America would never have to worry about pesky wing players making deep runs down the sidelines to track down passes that are bombed downfield. Revis could beet opposing forwards to the point of attack and reverse field quick enough to start an American offensive.

D – Anderson Silva

            An MMA fighter is the most obvious choice of the entire lot to join the ‘All-Soccer’ team of American athletes. Silva has the unique blend of incredibly effective legs and general indifference to murdering anything that moves that makes him a perfect fit on this squad. Whether you need someone to mark a great forward on set pieces or a guy who will concede a yellow card to make a point early in the game, Silva would be your man. The unyielding fear of him kicking me in the head is enough for me to award him the captainship of this team and I’ve never even met the guy.

D – Kevin Durant

            The ultimate two-way threat. Durant is nearly seven feet tall, but he glides down the court and has no trouble slicing through smaller (and supposedly quicker) foes. Durant would be able to stay in front of the world’s most talented dribblers and would be a nightmare when he posts up in front of free kicks. Offensively, Durant would be lethal in the box as an extra attacker on corners. No dinky European would ever beat him to a header.

GK – Calvin Johnson

            This one was tough. I love Tim Howard. I love his borderline ridiculous goalkeeping abilities and I love his willingness to cram approximately 284 cuss words into the brief 3-second snippets of on-air close-ups that focus on him. But Howard wouldn’t hold a candle to a soccer-oriented Megatron. Calvin Johnson stands 6’5” and can cover more area than a standard infield tarp. In a penalty shootout situation, Johnson would be the equivalent of building a brick wall in front of the goal.

For all of you lifelong soccer fans out there, I hope that I didn’t offend you with this list. I respect your sport – even if I don’t always see the point of it.

My only goal was to show that, for all of the snide jokes that are made at our expense by the rest of the soccer-playing world, America probably could be a World Cup champion if it really wanted to.

Players from the other handful of sports that offer more money and fame aren’t going to switch to soccer anytime soon, but we should take solace in the fact that we already contend with – and sometimes pull upset wins off of – some of the best, most well-funded, and bat-shit craziest soccer playing nations on the globe.

It’s only a matter of time before our mid-level athletes conquer the field at the ‘world’s game’

“Hey, rest of the human population…. We don’t care that much about your stupid game, but we’re going to beat you at it out of pure spite.”

Soccer might not ever fully win the hearts of America, but rubbing a World Cup win into the face of the rest of the Earth would probably be the most American thing that I could imagine.

Everybody grab an American flag and memorize a nationalistic chant. I’ll meet you in Brazil next summer. I don’t know if soccer and I can last through a lifelong relationship, but it’s at least a fun fling to reminisce about.

March Madness, Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

11:54 – After a short 11 ½ hour break, we’re back in action here on the blog.

Not only am I pumped up for another full day of tournament action, but I got a bonus 15 minutes ago when I turned to CBS. Since I haven’t been home sick from school in over a decade, it’s been forever since I’ve watched more than a few seconds of The Price Is Right.

Hands down, the most entertaining show not named The Simpsons to ever go on the air. Even skinny Drew Carey hasn’t been able to ruin the show. It’s my lifelong dream to get on contestants row, then make one of the other players want to murder me as I bid one dollar more than him every single time.

Anyways, looking ahead to the action, I’m psyched that Duke has the first game. As the only team other than Georgia Southern that I root for in college basketball, I’m hoping that the Blue Devils can get past that little first round hiccup from last season that I’m probably never going to mention again. If they lose to another 15 seed, we might have to end this live blog early.

12:17 – Not having TruTV is finally starting to pay off. Ole Miss is playing on that channel, which means that I get to miss out on watching the insufferable Marshall Henderson. He has easily run away with the 2013 “most punchable person in the nation” award. I don’t even like half of the teams that Ole Miss beats, but I find myself siding with them when Henderson goes into his antics.

I think yesterday’s article on deadspin.com put it perfectly. There are a lot of star players who accept and embrace the bad guy persona as they take the heat from rival fans. Not Marshall Henderson. That guy was a total antagonistic asshole waaaaayy before anyone realized that he was good at basketball.

12:24 – Watching 16 tournament games play out in one day is a lot like watching a presidential election as the states are being called for one candidate or the other.

You’ve got buzzer-beaters that are too close to call. You’ve also got those states where there is a strong lean to one side throughout the day, but thanks to an athletic or sharp-shooting low seed (or one of those pesky third party candidates), we end up waiting a little longer before making the call.

Then, there are those states where one guy is named the winner with one percent of precincts reporting. That’s a game like Syracuse-Montana last night, and how the Duke-Albany game looks right now. When one team comes out and drills three contested jumpers, pulls down five of the first six rebounds, then gets its big man wide open in the lane for an uncontested dunk, you’re tempted to call the game before the first TV timeout.

12:35 – I really hate the one-and-done players that come through college. I know that you’ve heard it a million times already, but it cheapens the game so much. I think that there is more overall talent that has led to some of these upstart mid-major teams, but another big part of the trend is that these teams like Butler and VCU are featuring four or five upperclassmen who have played together for a couple of seasons.

Teams like Kentucky will still have better talent, but there is something to be said for being comfortable and familiar with the other four guys on the court with you.

My wacky solution to this is to create a sort of trial run for all of the guys who want to go straight from high school to the pros. They shouldn’t be eligible for the draft out of high school, but they should be allowed to play one year in the NBA D-League, with all of these first-year guys getting only their meals, hotels and travel paid for.

After one year of playing better competition than they would have faced in college – and thus, getting a better idea of how they’d stack up in the NBA – they should be able to make the choice to either enter the draft or go to college as a sophomore.

12:52 – Less than 14 minutes into the game and Plumlee already has three dunks for Duke.

Albany is playing the part of Rocky in the first movie of the franchise. The Great Danes are just standing there on defense and getting pummeled with haymakers. They’re just barely hanging in there with a floater every other trip down the floor, but I don’t know if they’re going to make it to the final bell.

12:58 – Florida Gulf Coast tips off in a little while. Yahoo! had a feature story the other day about how one of the dorms (or maybe a student housing complex? I just skimmed it) is sitting right on the beach in Fort Meyers. It’s no wonder that these guys are rising so quickly after making the leap to Division I.

It’s really unfair though. I work hard most days and can barely afford to take a three day vacation to the beach, but these guys are getting a free ride to college and LIVING on the beach.

The Eagles are stuck in 30-something degree Philadelphia for their first round game. I wouldn’t blame them one bit if they mailed it in and got back to their perpetual spring break party as soon as possible.

1:12 – Albany goes on an 8-0 run and pulls within 35-26 at halftime. It just doesn’t look like they have enough scoring options to keep it going, but it’s just close enough to make me a little nervous.

Meanwhile, Ole Miss and Wisconsin are tied up at 15-15. Marshall Henderson has just two points so far, but in all fairness, that’s mostly because he’s been walking through the crowd trying to hook up with the mothers and sisters of Badgers players.

1:29 – I wonder what the per diem is for players at the tournament. I know that the NCAA covers team travel and lodging for postseason games, but I would assume that teams are left to fend for themselves when dinner time rolls around.

That’s a double-whammy for some of these smaller schools like Albany. They’re probably going to lose a double-digit game to end the season, pack into their team vans, then stand in line at one of Philly’s cheesesteak joints while watching the Duke charter bus pull into an upscale steakhouse.

1:36 – Let me take a quick moment to thank everyone who is following this blog throughout the first two days. This is easily the most traffic my site has ever seen. Keep telling your friends and don’t forget to come back next week for my MLB previews.

1:45 – Jacob Iati is striping his 3’s for Albany. Unfortunately for Iati, he’s the only one on his team capable of doing so. Duke just drove that point home as the Devils watched him drain another long bomb, then trotted down the court and had Seth Curry – one of their MANY shooters – bank in a 3 to answer. It was almost as though they were trying to spite Albany for continuing to make shots.

FUN FACT: Jacob Iati is from my home town and played his high school ball at York Catholic, my dad’s alma mater

1:53 – The ACC has really taken a step back when it comes to overall talent. The conference is still good for producing one or two teams that can compete for the national title each year, but most of the depth is gone.

It used to be that the top 6 or 7 teams in the conference were a threat to win the ACC tournament and that most of them were locks for at-large bids to the NCAA tournament if they didn’t win the conference. This season, Miami and Duke are solid title contenders, but N.C. State was wildly underwhelming and North Carolina needed a strong last month of the regular season to get into the tournament.

Those are the only four ACC teams in the field and there really isn’t a good argument to be made that any of the other teams got snubbed. Maryland and Virginia had some high profile wins, but also some awful losses. The rest aren’t even worth discussing.

At least things should change when Syracuse, Louisville and Pittsburgh join the party.

2:01 – Mason Plumlee has spent approximately half of the Duke-Albany game hanging from the rim.

2:16 – This Duke game really is just like the first Rocky movie. Albany doesn’t have a knockout punch, but that isn’t stopping them from throwing all of the jabs and body blows that it can.

The Great Danes have certainly won over the crowd.

On a less positive note for Albany, Great Danes is a pretty crappy nickname. I mean, at least they don’t use ‘Mean Green’ or ‘Big Red’, but it’s still a poor effort. It’s certainly no ‘Italian Stallion’

I need to watch a Rocky marathon after the games wrap up tonight.

2:26 – Miami and Pacific are underway in what has to set a record for the biggest distance between schools competing against each other in the tournament. Has Hawaii ever been in the big dance? If so, I guess they would hold the title.

Anyways, this matchup has to have the lowest number of family/friends/fans from the schools in attendance. Miami is as southeast as it gets and Pacific is out by the San Francisco Bay. The location for this game, you ask? Austin, Texas. Because that’s the obvious choice.

2:43 – Marshall Henderson catches fire in the second half as Ole Miss gives the 12-seeds their third upset of the tournament. The most impressive part of this performance is that Henderson was able to drop 19 points on the Badgers whilst firing off profanity-laced tweets at Wisconsin fans.

You just know that he’s the guy that gets smashed at parties and talks to girls about naming his junk. 5-to-1 odds that he goes with “Colonel Reb”

2:52 – The hits keep coming for the ACC. N.C. State had a nice run in last year’s tournament, making them the trendy pick to win the conference this season. The Wolfpack came up well short and are getting throttled by Temple near the end of the first half.

This is why I don’t have Duke or Miami anywhere near the title game. Watching them play, I firmly believe that they’re both top-10 (top-5, maybe?) teams. But they’ve also both lost a handful of games to the crud that made up the majority of the ACC. I think that the Devils and ‘Canes are capable of beating anyone in the country. What concerns me is that they’ve proven that, on the wrong night, they can also lose to pretty much anyone.

2:58 – Did I just hear singing at the Temple-N.C. State game?

That was more that just a normal rhythmic chant coming from the crowd. It sounded more like the singing of an alma mater than a fight song, and there weren’t any instruments playing.

I could totally get down with singing – a la European soccer fans – at basketball games. Having a designated victory song would be a pretty cool way to wind down the last couple of minutes of easy victories. The only thing about these songs is that you can’t go for quality. There should be a three-drink minimum required to participate. The whole thing should sound like a melodic, rambling mess until you hit the chorus.

3:06 – Jeep is using Al Pacino’s speech from “Any Given Sunday” in a commercial. I don’t know how I feel about that. Listening to the entirety of the speech makes you want to run through a brick wall, punching puppies and kicking kittens as you go. But without all of the swearing, it’s really not getting its message across.

How am I supposed to drive my Jeep Liberty like a REAL MAN if you won’t at least drop a few F-bombs on me?

3:32 - Is there a greater tragedy in this tournament than the fact that Gus Johnson is no longer calling the games? The man’s play-by-play calls could make a high school chess match exciting.

If you’re ever having a bad day, wander over to YouTube and watch a Gus Johnson montage. There is no way that your day won’t be instantly better.

N.C. State is rallying hard, but even if they do come the whole way back, it just won’t sound the same without the cries of “DAGGER!!!” followed by the sound of Gus nearly falling out of his chair.

3:45 – I wonder what it would take to get tossed out of a tournament game? Obviously, taking a swing at someone will get you the door, but I’m thinking more along the lines of what coaches can get away with saying.

Officials won’t be shy to hand out a technical to a coach, but I bet it would take something pretty sensational to draw a second technical and an ejection. Coaches for those really low seeds should use this to their advantage if they’re in a close game. Yell whatever you want. As long as you aren’t storming onto the court or throwing things, it’s the ref who will look bad if he ejects you. If you can break down the ref, maybe you get that whistle when you really need it.

3:57 – Apparently, you shouldn’t mess with Philadelphia basketball. Temple was able to hold off N.C. State and now LaSalle – after taking down Boise State in the Frist Four (reprisal from yesterday: puke) – is all over No. 4 seed Kansas State.

With one upset in the bag and another one well underway, No. 9 seed Villanova could really make it a party with a win over North Carolina.

Just think of how good Philly hoops could be if a certain ‘Fresh Prince’ hadn’t been driven out of town all those years ago.

4:11 – I love my job as a sports writer, but I think that it would be awful to have to cover the NCAA tournament. Sure, you’d get to see some of the best teams in the country, but you’d also miss out on the vast majority of the action.

It would be incredible to get to interview players from a No. 15 seed after they shocked the world in an upset, but it’s much more likely that you’ll get the short end of the stick. Four games get played at each venue in the first round. You’re there from 11 in the morning until almost midnight and for every 1 vs. 16 snoozer that you have to sit through, the out of town scoreboard is flashing up buzzer-beaters and huge upsets that you aren’t able to watch.

I’d much rather be holed up in my living room with a two TVs, a case of beer, and plenty of free time.

4:21 – La Salle doing an absolute hospital job on Kansas State. The Explorers (come on, La Salle. You can do better than that) are up 44-26 at the break.

Have to credit fellow gsufans.com member (and hopefully, a devoted reader of this blog) ‘GSUfanforever’ for this gem:

La Salle – French for “Whipping your fanny”

4:31 – Are any of you readers in or around the Dayton area? If so, could you be on the lookout for the James Madison basketball team? This game is already four minutes in, but I haven’t seen them yet.

4:40 – Just now tuning in to the Creighton-Cincinnati game. What in the hell is going on with Cincy’s uniforms? It looks like they all got hit by the Harlem Globetrotters’ bucket of confetti.

Those things are beyond awful. At least the Blue Jays are doing their best to make sure that we won’t have to watch these sartorial nightmares run around the court much longer.

4:55 – Regretfully, I’m going to have to take a break for a few hours. I’ve got to go cover the Portal baseball team. Normally, that would mean that I’d be back in an hour after they lose by 20 and the game is called off after three innings, but they have managed to find an equally awful opponent today, so there’s no telling how long it could drag on.

You guys talk amongst yourselves. I’ll be back as soon as I can.

9:17 – Sorry about that. I severely underestimated how suspect the pitching in that game would be and it takes a while to recount all of the action in a 13-11 ballgame.

But now I’m back for the final bloc of games and we can ride this thing out together

9:29 – Man. I step away for a couple of hours and everything goes to hell.

Had anyone ever even heard of Florida Gulf Coast before today? At least No. 15 Cinderellas like Lehigh and Norfolk State from last year had been to their share of tournaments before.

The Eagles have literally no basketball history. Seriously. Half of the entire Wikipedia entry on the team is the sentence describing FGCU’s win over Georgetown. The Hoyas have disappointed in the tournament plenty of times before, but this year’s group has set the bar at a new low for future teams to trip over.

9:37 – La Salle blew its 17 point lead, but managed to upset K-State at the wire. Unfortunately, Villanova couldn’t complete the aforementioned Philadelphia sweep as the Wildcats bowed out to North Carolina.

Normally, I’d be all for the Tar Heels getting bounced early, but now a showdown is set with Kansas. Aside from the fact that two of the three most historically successful basketball schools in the country are meeting in the tournament, this is big because Roy Williams now has to coach against his former Jayhawk team.

The awkwardness of the interview where reporters asked Williams if he was leaving for Carolina mere minutes after his Kansas team lost in the 2003 title game is still lingering over Lawrence.

9:57 – The President’s bracket took a pretty big hit with Wisconsin (had them in the Elite Eight) bowing out in the first round. But considering shockers like Harvard, La Salle and FGCU, his picks still are looking as bad as most peoples.

I wonder what would happen if Obama picked a perfect bracket. Would conspiracy theories arise about the highest office in the land fixing games? Would he automatically qualify for a third term? Would Fox News use it as proof that he is the Antichrist?

These are important questions that need to be answered, people!!!

10:04 – No. 10 seed Oklahoma is looking sharp early on. I’m surprised that the Sooners don’t make deep runs in the tournament more often.

The state has all of the early 19^th century Dust Bowl traits as Kansas, yet basketball fever didn’t quite catch on to the same effect. I’m sure that the Sooners are quite content with their decision to save all of their bat-shit insanity for football, but how awesome would it be to watch the Sooner Schooner stampede across a crowded basketball court?

10:22 – Kansas goes off in the last bloc of games as the final No. 1 seed to see action.

The Jayhawks are going up against Western Kentucky, which is a complete mess, no matter how you look at them. As the number 6 seed in their own conference (the not-so almighty Sun Belt), you know that their credentials are suspect.

Then, there is the name. Western Kentucky is the Hilltoppers. What is that supposed to be? I was bagging on La Salle for being the Explorers, but at least those guys have a sense of adventure. WKU seems content to mount the biggest hill in town, see what there is to see, then call it a day.

And don’t even get me started on their amorphous blob of a mascot. He’s supposed to be a red towel, which is another weird and baffling story about WKU history that I won’t bore you with. Maybe the announcers will get around to that factoid when Kansas is up by 40 in the second half.

10:37 – Did you know that there are now 160 Division I teams that make the postseason? The NIT was always a nice consolation for some of the major conference teams that didn’t quite have a good enough year or for mid-major teams that can play with the best, but who screwed up in their conference tournament.

A few years ago, the CBI began play. This was nothing but a shameless money grab for schools who had no pride, but plenty of fans that would buy tickets if they were given a few more games to host.

Now, there’s something called the CIT. I haven’t looked, but I’m sure that whatever teams are making up this fourth-tier tournament are an affront to the good name of mediocrity. Any guesses on who won last year’s CIT? It was Mercer, who I wouldn’t have even been sure had a basketball team if I hadn’t been to one of their games before.

I can only assume that the championship venue for this clash of titans is a random YMCA gym, provided they can get a good time slot to rent out.

10:47 – Those Hilltoppers came to play! A 24-21 lead for WKU late in the first half has our second No. 1 seed of the tournament sweating out its first game.

If Western wants to pull the upset it’s going to half to go on a big run. Not that Kansas is bound to go on a run of its own (although it probably will), but No. 16 seeds that stay close until the end always seem to have all of the cards fall against them in the waning minutes.

Not only do they have to beat one of the best teams in the nation, but all of the whistles tend to favor the top seed. I don’t think that refs are trying to dictate the outcome of the game, but they probably subconsciously defer to the No. 1 since no top seed has ever lost its first game. When the fateful day comes that a No. 16 seed wins, I imagine it will be a game like the Florida Gulf Coast upset where the underdog comes out firing, gets a comfy lead, and never slows up.

11:04 – The United States leads Costa Rica 1-0 at halftime in their World Cup qualifier. This concludes my blog’s entire 2013 soccer coverage. We’ll see you at next year’s World Cup preview!

11:09 – Iowa State and Notre Dame were close early on, but the Cyclones have now run out to a 15 point lead early in the second half.

The Fighting Irish are becoming notorious for this sort of behavior. They always play well enough to pop into the top-25 once or twice during the season and the name/conference recognition is usually enough to give them a respectable seed. They’re never seeded – or thought of – so highly that an upset makes for a huge story, but you can almost always count on them to fall to a lower seed.

Other offenders of this nature: Vanderbilt, USC, Maryland, Michigan, Iowa

11:28 - San Diego State is trying to pull away from Oklahoma. The Aztecs are another one of those mid-majors that is sticking around as a force instead of fading away once one core group of seniors departs.

All of these teams seem to follow the same rise to prominence before becoming a mainstay on the national radar. They usually make one or two uneventful tournament appearances and gain a reputation in their own conference, then have that one HUGE win in the tournament that captures everyone’s attention. A few of these teams – like San Diego State – have even taken the next step, bringing back a handful of players from the team that pulled the big upset, posting an incredible regular season mark the next year, then challenging for a high seed and winning a few more tournament games.

The blueprint has been set, and I think that teams like Butler and VCU making annual deep runs is going to become the rule instead of the exception.

11:36 – Western Kentucky has only scored two points in the first six minutes of the second half. Luckily for the Hilltoppers, Kansas isn’t faring much better. But I’m sticking to my prediction. WKU is now down by two and it’s running out of time to build the 10 point cushion that it would need to hold off a top seed through the last few minutes.

11:46 – I think that I’ve found a practical use for that CIT tournament. We should take the winner – which I am dubbing “The Undisputed 129^th Best Team In America” – and put them up against whoever wins the women’s NCAA tournament. Not to sound chauvinistic, but I bet the dudes win by 60.

11:54 – San Diego State rolls into the round of 32.

Is anyone still keeping tabs on schools that are deemed to have offensive nicknames? What have the Aztecs never made that list?

I don’t consider simply naming yourself after a former Indian tribe to be offensive, but that never stopped a bunch of other people from getting their panties bunched up about it. The Washington Redskins are constantly under fire. The Florida State Seminoles have been picketed and boycotted despite working with – and having the approval of – the still-existing Seminole nation. The North Dakota Fighting Sioux face legal action from the NCAA despite the fact that nobody actually lives in North Dakota.

I just don’t get it. I’ll admit that some of the cartoonish logos and overly flamboyant mascots previously used by some teams could easily upset people who take their heritage seriously. But I don’t think that anyone could sit there with a straight face and say that any team with an Indian-related name is abusing or sullying the namesake in any way nowadays.

12:05 – How fitting that midnight marks the end of Western Kentucky’s Cinderella bid. Give them credit though. They gave it one hell of a run.

P.S. – Hilltoppers is still a ridiculous nickname.

12:23 – After that sort-of close call with Kansas, it seems anticlimactic that there is still one more game going on. The Minnesota-UCLA game isn’t necessarily a bad one (plenty of drama since the losing coach might be fired despite multiple career trips to the Final Four), but I would have thought that the NCAA would end the night with something stronger than a 6-11 matchup where neither team is a big name or even a potential sleeper.

While they slug it out for a few more minutes, I’m going to reflect on what I’ve learned during this whole live-blogging fiasco.

-         I’m not filling out a bracket the next time I do this. If I do, the bracket won’t be in a money pool. So many times, I wanted to hijack 30 minutes of this thing to vent on one of my top seeds that was playing like crap (I’m still not talking to you, New Mexico), but I’m sure that all of you have your own bracket problems to worry about.

-         I’ve got to hydrate better. With relatively little work to do during this grand experiment, it was inevitable that a non-small number of cocktails were going to work their way into this thing. I don’t think that they made my observations worse – although the swearing did increase – but it made my workout and 10 miles on the stationary bike this morning really, REALLY suck.

-         I need to get a new laptop. Mine has a battery that is shot, giving me all of about five minutes away from a power source before everything shuts down. Laundry went unfolded, dishes went unwashed and pets went unfed because I have been tethered to this couch for 80 percent of my waking hours for two days. Based on the looks I’m getting from the girlfriend – who I have also had to neglect – I might be spending some of my sleeping hours here as well.

-         Eat less food. Fair warning – I’m about to talk about pooping… OK. I’m not going to lie. I got VERY invested in this thing. I’m keeping tabs on my time tags for each post and I’ve been getting anxious every time I thought that you guys had been waiting too long for an update. That said, eating the ‘inferno’ hot wings for lunch today was a bad idea. I don’t want to be stuck in the bathroom while you guys are clicking refresh and getting nothing new.

12:30 – Wow. While I was getting all of that out of my system, Minnesota went ahead and took UCLA behind the woodshed. I know that the Bruins were a little banged up, but I would have thought that they would have given the Big Ten version of N.C. State (read: vastly overrated at beginning of season and doing nothing to convince detractors otherwise) a little bit more of a fight.

I wonder what would happen if UCLA put John Wooden’s coffin at the end of the bench? I bet they’d win at least 20 games.

12:38 – Even if some of these upsets hadn’t developed, you’d have to admit that the lower seeds fared very well in the first round and that it’s obvious that parity is steadily marching onward in college basketball.

Those 1-16 matchups used to have scores like 103-52, but no top seed scored more than 83 points and two failed to make it past 70. Even more telling – the average margin of victory was just 16.25 points. Not bad for a bunch of 16-seeds that used to lose by several touchdowns each year.

12:46 – Aaaannnnnd, that’ll do it. Minnesota wraps up a win to finish off the first round of the tournament, and with it, my 36 ½ hour long running account of the action.

Let me take another moment to thank everyone who has been checking in over the last couple of days. As I said before, this has been my blog’s most successful post BY FAR and that’s all because of you guys constantly checking in every hour to see if I had gone completely insane yet.

It’s been 10,302 words of scoreboard watching, vile insults, and hopefully not-totally-awful jokes. I’ve enjoyed bringing you every one of those words, but if you don’t mind, I’m going to watch the second round in peace and without a laptop surgically attached to my hands.

Thanks again for tagging along for the ride. Don’t forget to come back next week for my preview of the MLB season.

March Madness: On your mark. Get set. PROCRASTINATE!!!

Welcome, everybody, to the most exciting two days of sports that the year has to offer.

Even if you’re not a huge fan of college basketball, there’s simply no resisting the allure of the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament. The craziest part of the three week long tournament is that the first two days – in which half of the field will be eliminated – is usually more fun to watch than the Final Four or championship game.

Even if you haven’t thrown $10 into your office pool, there’s still plenty of fun to be had. That first Thursday and Friday of the tournament have become a sort of faux-holiday, with even the most uptight companies all but surrendering hopes of productivity as workers constantly refresh box scores or stream the games online.

While many of you are stuck in the office, I – thanks to my flexible work hours and the fact that, technically, my job requires me to keep up with the games – will be holed up in front of several televisions throughout the day.

On the off chance that your tyrannical office doesn’t have a television and has blocked the video streaming sites, I invite you to join me here as I live blog the entirety of the first two days. Check back here throughout the afternoon and into the evening as I keep you up to date with random musings and delirious ramblings that occur when you barely move and watch 32 games in about 36 hours.

11:58 – Ladies and Gentlemen, we’ve come to zero-hour.

In about 15 minutes, this year’s NCAA tournament will tip off. If you’re one of those people who likes to argue that we’ve been playing the tournament for the last couple of days with the ‘First Four’ (puke), please feel free to argue. You can scream as loud as you want. All of those teams will be gone by the end of the weekend, so I really don’t care.

But as for the games scheduled for today and tomorrow, prepare yourselves for a pair of 12-hour television blocs of unmitigated awesomeness.

Some of you have had the foresight to come down with a timely 48-hour stomach bug or a deceased relative and can watch from the comfort of your own home. Others might be stuck sneaking peaks every few minutes while the boss isn’t looking. Either way, I invite you to check in from time to time over the next two days as I live blog this spectacle.

*looks at watch – its 11:58*

Well, it would just be wrong to start drinking before noon.

*commences twiddling thumbs*

12:07 – I see that CBS has taken a page from its weekly NFL coverage and decided to cram as many analysts as possible onto the set of its pregame show. Come on, CBS. It’s a 15 minute pregame show… Less if you count commercials. What is the point of putting five guys behind the desk.

The cheesiest part is how all of these mega casts have distinct personalities for each of the cast members. You’ve got your host, your borderline Hall of Fame former player, your wacky color commentator type of character, your just-retired loudmouth former player, and a wild card. It’s like watching those boy bands from the 90s where each member had to fit a certain personality to create the image the band creators wanted.

It’s not weird that I remember that A.J. was the bad-boy of the Backstreet Boys, right?

Oh. And now I see that there are two other studios in two different cities, all devoted to keep us up to the second. When will all of these guys have time to talk for more than 10 seconds at a time?

12:15 – Over/under on promos for The Masters during today’s coverage: 23

GET OUT OF MY HEAD JIM NANTZ!!!

12:26 – Valparaiso is playing Michigan State in the first game of the day. Bryce Drew, who famously hit a 3-pointer to clinch a first round upset for Valpo over Ole Miss in – I’m going to say, 1998? – is now the head coach of the Crusaders.

I still remember watching that game with my best friend back in middle school, then spending the next hour trying to recreate the shot out in his driveway.

Seeing Bryce Drew in a suit and entering the early stages of male pattern baldness instead of flopping around on the floor makes me feel old.

12:39 – The last time that I did one of these, I alluded to my bracket and the buckets of red ink that it would take to properly score my picks. To avoid any controversy on whether I’ve actually called any games right, I’ll lay out some of the important predictions from my bracket for this year.

Seeing as how I filled out three different brackets for three different pools – because entering more than one bracket in a given pool should be punishable by death – we’ll go with the picks from the pool which will pay me the most money:

First round upsets

Belmont over Arizona

Iowa State over Notre Dame

South Dakota State over Michigan

Colorado over Illinois

Bucknell over Butler

Second round surprises

Memphis over Michigan State

Wisconsin over Kansas State

San Diego State over Georgetown

N.C. State over Indiana

UNLV over Syracuse

Hey. You aren’t a 1-3 seed, but you’re in the Elite Eight

UNLV

Final Four

Louisville defeats New Mexico

Kansas defeats Miami

Champion

Kansas – the only team who has ever won me a tournament pool in my lifetime. Thank you, Mario Chalmers.

12:45 – No. 6 Butler vs. No. 11 Bucknell – the only one of the first bloc of games where I have predicted an upset – just started. And of course it’s on the one channel that I don’t get at my house.

12:59 – Valpo getting thoroughly pummeled. Seriously. Can someone out there tell me what exactly TruTV is or how I can pick up the signal?

1:13 – I really, REALLY wish that they would let cameras into the war room as the bracket is being filled out by the selection committee. I don’t even need it to be a live feed. Just send a documentary crew – a la “Hard Knocks” – to wherever the committee meets around Wednesday of conference championship week and let the cameras roll.

They could show ‘The Building of the Bracket’ just before the tipoff of the first First Four (puke, still) game and draw in millions of viewers.

This would undoubtedly lead to cries of corruption and certain members of the committee being vilified by fan bases who are snubbed or offended at their seeding/region, but you can always hide behind the fact that the choosing of the final at-large teams and almost all of the seeding is entirely subjective. The NCAA has already made a mockery of itself by creating those first four play-in games for the sake of getting two more nights of primetime viewing. Why not go for another hour of commercial sales?

1:29 – If there’s one thing that is certain in any NCAA tournament, it’s that Verne Lundquist will somehow be behind the mic for a big upset and that, invariably, he’ll toss out some awful one-liner to commemorate the occasion.

Possibilities for this year:

Oregon over Okie St. – “The Duck quack while Oklahoma State cracks!”

St. Mary’s over Memphis – “And the Gaels advance as a cold wind blows for Memphis!”

Northwestern St. over Florida – “The Demons star in a nightmare for the Gators!”

S.D. State over Michigan – “Michigan the higher seed, but the grass is greener for the Jackrabbits!”

1:36 – My first upset pick not looking so hot as Bucknell manages just 14 points in the first half.

Also, some breaking news coming out of that game. We’ve learned that Butler coach Brad Stevens is finally old enough to get his drivers license and will be driving the team around to various parties after the game, so long as he’s back at the house before curfew.

1:44 – After three years, our long national nightmare is over. NAPA Auto Parts is once again a big sponsor of the tournament – all but ensuring a commercial for the company every 10 minutes or so – but has mercifully stopped running the commercial featuring that annoying “NAPA know how” song with all of the creepy lip syncing and weird person-to-camera unblinking eye contact that makes me feel like I need to take a shower.

The new commercial is still a little weird, but it got a couple of laughs out of me. If nothing else, at least this new commercial is plain and simple enough that I can drown it out as white noise if I’m not watching the television.

1:58 – No. 8 Pittsburgh and No. 9 Wichita State tipped off a few minutes ago, giving me a reprieve from the shellacking that Sparty is putting on Valpo.

This game is particularly intriguing for college basketball traditionalists who would just LOVE to see the winner of this game knock off No. 1 Gonzaga in the second round. Sure, neither Pittsburgh nor Wichita is a perennial power and neither has won a national title, but the fact that a mid-major conference has a No. 1 seed is just killing some of these analysts. They don’t mind upsets and unknowns making runs in the tournament – which is exactly why they would want to see the Shockers take out the Zags – but you can just see the cringing going on with some of these talking heads when the stats dictate that they have to call a team like Gonzaga one of the best in the country.

If Gonzaga does bow out early, you can chalk up another Lundquist gem about there “being a new Cinderella in town” or something idiotic like that.

2:18 – Doug Gotlieb has got to be loving life right now.

For the last few years, he’s been the one ESPN Radio personality that has really been on top of the whole college basketball landscape. His show was the only one worth listening to around tournament time. Too bad he wasn’t given enough credit since some guy who was less knowledgeable, but could speak just as well and looked better in a suit (Andy Katz, I’m looking in your direction) used all of the pretty graphics that television can provide to wow people looking for information.

With his move to CBS, not only did Gotlieb get to go home, but he now gets to do color commentary at the tournament and is one of the most respected voices at his company when it comes to college hoops.

Good for you, Doug.

2:36 – For at least the 10^th consecutive year, CBS cameras/program directors fail to realize the significance of the Wichita State Shockers’… um… unique hand gesture.

This will never cease to be hilarious for me as my mind will never surpass the level of high school freshman.

2:43 – We’ve finally reached that gooey middle of the television schedule where it is nearly impossible to find a spot where there is no live game action to be seen.

I really like how the tournament has evolved with its start times over the years. There used to be a bloc of games that all tipped off at a certain time. That seemed like a good thing, but it turned bad if two games both entered the final minute and were close. You can’t make me Sophie’s Choice an NCAA tournament game. That’s sadistic.

The new staggered schedule is much better. You only have one option for the first half hour of the bloc – which is great for the network since there is nowhere to turn the channel to when commercials come on – but there is a greatly reduced chance that all of the games will be at halftime or in a vital moment at any given time.

I also appreciate the couple of hours between the final start time of the second bloc and the first tip-off of the third bloc. That 30 minute window with no games going on gives me just enough time to do something work related so that I have a solid argument that I deserve to get paid for the day.

2:51 – Bucknell loses, and my dreams of a perfect bracket go down. I was so close…

3:12 – I’m still pretty bummed out that my beloved Georgia Southern Eagles never made the tournament while I was a student there. Travelling to whatever outpost – since I’m assuming that GSU would be somewhere in the 14-16 range – would have been a blast.

When I first got into the tournament as a kid, I used to wonder why the fans of whatever scrub school even bothered to go to a game that they were destined to lose by 30 points. I could understand families travelling to watch the game, but nothing else.

And yet, every year there was a 200-person student section and a pep band cheering their asses off hundreds of miles from home as their No. 16 seed got its face rearranged by Duke or North Carolina.

After being a fixture in the ‘Hanner Hooligans’ student section at GSU games throughout my undergrad, I now see the error of my ways. I would have dropped everything and scraped together every cent I had for the privilege of bussing up to Detroit (Or Kansas City, or Philadelphia, or wherever) to cheer on the Eagles. If they ever do make the dance, I’d still be hard pressed not to make the trip. It would be so fun that I wouldn’t even mind the blowout loss.

3:32 – Wichita State starting to pull away from Pittsburgh. This is only leading to more ‘shockers’ being thrown up by the WSU faithful. I am incredibly entertained.

3.39 – I’m out of competitive games that are in the final minutes, so I’m having to dig deep into the bag of rants and random thoughts.

Why don’t we send whoever the defending national champion is to play for us in the Olympics every four years?

Sure, the world proved in 2004 that it could beat our NBA dream team, but I think that had more to do with a lack of participation from some of America’s best players and a lack of 100 percent effort from the ones who did play.

Think about it. There’s no doubt that a team like last year’s Kentucky squad could compete for the Olympic title. It might be a distraction for the guys who are on their way to the NBA, but it would be the ultimate reward for the guys who practiced hard, but rode the bench the whole season. Those guys still wouldn’t play much, but they’re probably on track to graduate and do their best to find a job in the lower middle class after college.

The stars will go on to multi-million dollar contracts and endorsement deals, but how sweet would it be for those guys to earn an Olympic medal for all of their trouble?

3:51 – What the hell is a Biliken? That mascot looks like it wants to steal all of Cindy Loo-Who’s presents and shove the Christmas tree back up the chimney.

4:13 – It’s always a little sad to see some of these small conference champions go out on such a sour note as high seeds have their way with them.

Especially the schools that haven’t made the tournament in five or more years. Those teams only get into the tournament by winning their conference tournament, meaning that the seniors of those teams hit the pinnacle of their entire basketball careers, savor it for a week, and are then – mostly – done with competitive basketball forever.

Think about it. For the teams in the field who haven’t made the dance in a while, their seniors were recruited to help turn the program around. Those guys worked their asses off for four or five years, then finally made that glorious run through their conference tournament to make it to the NCAAs. They were at the top of the world, on the front page of all the newspapers, and royalty on campus.

Now, they’re down by 27 to some No. 2 seed in the first half and those seniors will probably never play another meaningful game again.

Harsh.

4:40 - *Notice* - Irrational hatred ahead.

The hell with Davidson. I can’t stand those guys. They have all of the elitism and smugness of Duke without half of the talent. I’m fully aware that by ragging on their conference and quality wins, I’m putting down Georgia Southern, but any Eagle fan is used to insults and disappointment as far as basketball is concerned.

Davidson is giving Marquette a run for its money, and regardless of how my bracket plays out, this is the one game that I have a huge rooting interest in.

I suppose this is just an extension of the argument I have with fans from middle-of-the-road SEC fans each football season. Why are you rooting for a conference opponent when you root against them the other 364 days of the year? It’s not even like there’s conference pride on the line. The Southern Conference isn’t going to get any representative other than the conference tournament champion anytime soon, so why cheer for a team that has been the evil empire of the conference for a decade?

4:55 – Memphis is about to survive a scare in its first round matchup.

The game came against St. Mary’s, which played its way into the tournament Tuesday night. That begs the question. Now that there are play-ins for 11 and 12 seeds instead of just the traditional No. 16 sacrificial lamb, how do we handle early week brackets?

I always like to fire off a gut-instinct bracket on Yahoo! or ESPN (or some other website where you could luck into a huge payout), but now there are those potential upset seeds where there isn’t even a set team to fill the slot.

I’ll tell you how to handle that situation… You go ahead and pick anyway. I called VCU winning both its play-in game and its first round game a few years ago. There’s no better feeling than calling a team’s shot before it even makes the field of 64.

5:14 – Our first No. 1 seed is in action as Gonzaga takes on Southern.

Most No. 16 seeds go one of two ways. They either show incredible pluckiness and go full throttle to stay competitive for a half before running out of gas and getting rolled over, or they show up still drunk from the improbable run that got them to the big dance in the first place.

Southern went with the former, but just before all of the West Coast Conference haters could wet their pants and sync up their “we told you so”, Gonzaga ripped of 13 straight points to charge out in front. Southern is still putting up a good fight, but anyone with eyes can see that the Zags are a very talented team that could turn this into a laugher at any second.

5:21 – My updates are about to slow down thanks to having to lay out tomorrow’s sports page, but I’ll still be firing off observations when I get the chance. Go grab some dinner and prepare for the finish of the Davidson-Marquette game and the beginning of the third bloc of action.

5:39 – It’s looking like Davidson is going to pull the big upset. I am literally sickened by this. At least Davidson doesn’t have some smug poster boy like Steph Curry to run a millions cut-ins about before their next game. And maybe Butler can keep up its insane streak – 11 wins in its last 13 tournament games, with the only two losses coming in the championship round – and show the Wildcats what a real mid-major contender looks like.

Elsewhere, Southern hit a few shots to pull close to Gonzaga at the half. I’m sticking to my guns. The Zags have out-talented every team on their schedule so far and today will be no exception.

5:46 – Ha!!! Davidson... Those pieces of crap blew a seven point lead with 1:33 to play. I knew they’d tank it. I defy you to prove otherwise.

6:00 – Dinner time, and it looks like the much maligned 5 seeds might serve up another on the menu as Oregon leads Oklahoma State by 11 at halftime.

In all fairness to the Cowboys – who I think are a very good team – they might have gotten the worst possible draw. I’m not sure how teams get slotted into certain seeds, but I can’t fathom how the committee looked at the 22-win Ducks and pegged them as a No. 12. Usually the one trendy 5-12 upset that all of the talking heads promote is the one that I avoid, but this one seemed too tempting.

The Big 12 wasn’t incredibly good this year and I think that most people slept on the Pac 12 (insert complaint about East Coast Bias here). I don’t think that Oregon has what it takes to win two games, but beating one quality team shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone.

6:18 – I’ve got to hand it to Southern. They’re playing hard and shooting the lights out, but – as predicted – it looks like the well is starting to run dry. All of the effort they’re exerting in racing down court and pulling up for 3s is making their legs tired as Gonzaga starts to get buckets that are easier and easier.

6:31 – Oh, those pesky Jaguars. Another 3-point bomb pulls Southern within two points of Southern with four minutes to go. If I ever coach a team in a slum conference, it’s going to be nothing but 3-pointers at practice, morning, afternoon and night.

Look at all of the monumental upsets through the years and a great night from behind the arc is usually the common theme.

If I were running a No. 16 seed, I’d tell my guys to jack up 50 bombs against the No. 1 seed. You might have an off night and lose by a ton, but everyone is expecting that anyways. If you luck out and have the night of your life – BOOM! Historic upset.

6:45 – Kudos to Southern. They gave it one hell of a run. For 35 minutes, it seemed like they couldn’t miss, but in the final few minutes, it was Gonzaga knocking down all of the cold-blooded shots.

I remain confident in my prediction that Gonzaga will notch a few more wins. There have been plenty of great teams that managed to get a huge scare in the first round, but then rebounded to have a great tournament.

With Oregon up big on Okie St. at the 4:00 mark, I’m going to grab some dinner and do some work. I’ll see everyone in about an hour.

8:11 – NCAA tournament watching is on hold as I vigilantly (read: required by work) watch East Georgia College in the NJCAA tournament… hold on… one more second… OK. Forget that. Back to the real action.

8:34 – This just goes to show that there is no rhyme or reason in trying to figure out brackets.

If there was ever a year for underdogs and low seeds to run rampant, this was the one. We couldn’t hang on to a top-ranked team for more than a few weeks at a time and nobody seemed very confident in defining the top tier of talent at the end of the season.

I’m sure that the power vacuum at the top led to plenty of crazy looking brackets that were lined with upsets, but so far – at least in terms of seeding – the action couldn’t be more by-the-books.

If we don’t get an out-of-the-blue upset soon. SportsCenter isn’t going to know what to lead with at 11.

9:00 – Cal is trying to put some life into this party as the Golden Bears open up a second half lead on No. 5 UNLV. Putting my own bracket aside (Please, bracket gods. Spare my Runnin’ Rebels) at least we have some excitement.

I really wish that someone would cave in to horrible judgment and award Las Vegas a Final Four. Better yet, let’s just play the whole tournament in Sin City.

If you think that you have annoying ‘bracketologists’ at your office now, just wait until all of them are trying to factor in the trouble-loving tendencies of some teams. A No. 15 seed could become a favorite overnight if a team like Miami was let loose in Vegas. Five Hurricanes would show up for the tip-off with four still busy getting bailed out of jail and the rest unaccounted for.

9:40 – The final tip-off of the night features the game that ruined my bracket and shattered my confidence last season.

I know that Kentucky was the odds on favorite to take home the title last year, but – being the contrarian that I am – I tried to outthink the room and choose a different champion.

Missouri was an incredibly athletic team that had bounced around the top-10 all season and that featured five veteran starters. I thought that I had found the major conference version of the seasoned and tested mid-major teams that make serious noise, so I penciled them in as my dark horse champion.

The only good thing about Missouri’s first round game last season is that I was halfway in the tank and enjoying a med school graduation party when I got the news that they had managed to lose to No. 15 Norfolk State.

Screw you, Tigers. Go Rams!!!

9:58 – Going to take a quick timeout to take a step away from basketball and discuss the show that I’m currently having to record in order to keep viewing the tournament and faithfully reporting back to you.

*Shameless promotion alert*

Have you ever seen Archer? If your answer is no, head over to Netflix (don’t worry, they’re running the NCAA tournament at the same time next year) and stream the first three seasons. It’s beyond awesome. It’s James Bond with twice the risqué jokes, ten times the boozing and womanizing, and none of the needless plotline extenders that turn a cool story into a 2 hour trudge.

Seriously. Stop reading this and go watch Archer. I’ll have all of your updates when you come back.

10:31 – Poor Akron… First, LeBron left you and now you’re being humiliated on national television.

And how about VCU? They look like the new Butler. And that stands to reason. In a culture where technology and the flow of information are expanding exponentially, I suppose it should follow that the darling teams who come out of nowhere to enchant the country will now only have one or two fleeting seasons in the sun before we move on to someone new.

Gonzaga got a good five or six years of being THE mid-major that everyone kept their eye on, but we’ve had several – George Mason, Butler and VCU, to name a few – in just the last handful of years. Let’s take some time to savor the moment, people. After all, most of these programs are now taking their one crazy run and turning it into more than a few years of serious contention.

11:20 – Work took a little longer than I anticipated, but I’m here to finish strong on the first day of the tournament.

New Mexico entered as one of the dark horse darlings of the tournament and – much like Gonzaga earlier in the day – is feeling the heat as Harvard leads the No. 3 Lobos at halftime.

It was bad enough for the Zags to get a scare from the SWAC champs, but it would be devastating if New Mexico got knocked off by a bunch of nerds. Even worse, Harvard doesn’t even have two of its best players as they were both kicked off of the team during a preseason cheating scandal.

Come on. Who cheats at Harvard? How can you make the grades to get into one of the most prestigious schools in the country, then be dumb enough to get pinched in a scandal?

11:38 – Syracuse is pummeling Montana, but I’m not all that happy for the Orange.

Not only am I less than thrilled with having to capitalize color names just because the ‘Cuse can’t come up with a non-offensive nickname, but Jim Boeheim has done nothing but agitate me for over a year. I never used to have any strong feelings towards Boeheim or his team, but two years and a handful of scandals have caused me to start rooting against the guy.

This is the risk that coaches run when they make the choice to always turn a cold shoulder to the media. Boeheim has been nothing but an ass to reporters for over a decade, and now that Syracuse is under investigation, he’s wondering why the press is bearing down on him.

As a member of the sports media, I can’t say that I would handle things any differently if I was working the Syracuse beat. When you get nothing but platitudes, scorn and brush-offs when trying to discuss the most trivial of matters with a coach, it makes your job infinitely more difficult. But it’s a two-way street. If you make me look bad when you give me nothing good to write about when there aren’t any huge stories, then you can be damn sure that I’m going to be all over you for information and quotes when a story breaks that the whole country is aware of.

Syracuse used to hold a place in my mind as a solid, consistent program that should always be respected and possibly feared come tournament time. Nowadays, the Orange are too far removed from any big accomplishments to strike any fear into my heart, and the fact that they are being run by an ornery grandpa isn’t doing them any favors.

11:53 – Colorado State finally strikes a blow for the Mountain West by notching a win over Missouri.

Once again, I can already hear the mid-major haters howling. Despite not being home to schools named Louisville, or Kansas or Duke, the Mountain West had the highest-rated RPI in the nation this year.

The conference received an impressive five invites to the tournament, but the matchups have been less than ideal. Boise State lost in one of the play-in games before things really got started and Cal was given a virtual home game – despite being a No. 12 seed – against a UNLV team that had already proved it was better than the Golden Bears.

New Mexico is still struggling with Harvard and is the only chance for the conference to place a member in the Sweet Sixteen.

12:05 – We’re now over 12 hours into this mess. Be strong, everyone. Stay the course.

Syracuse is up on Montana by a ridiculous 53-17 margin early in the second half. Seeing as how the Orange routinely gets top seeds – and thus, inferior competition for two or three rounds each year – I’m amazed that they don’t fare better.

The Orange is famous for its 2-3 zone that it will never come out of under any circumstances. With so many underdogs in the bright lights for the first time, the pressure to make deep shots should be too much to bear. Unless some team gets freakishly hot from outside, there’s really no reason that the ‘Cuse should ever lose games early in the tournament.

12:14 – Harvard has New Mexico on the ropes. Somewhere, Ogre weeps. Damn nerds.

12:23 – The Crimson gets its first NCAA tournament win in school history. Good for the Ivy Leaguers.

The best part about not being an insane person who puts serious money down on my brackets is that even when one of my brackets blows up (thanks a lot, New Mexico), I can still appreciate the awesomeness of whatever upset caused my downfall.

Now I’m wondering how the good people of Harvard celebrate such an enormous win. Do they knock off studying an entire hour early? Do they do something droll, such as photoshopping a new periodic table for the chemistry lab so that a few of the elements are out of order? Or do they do it up right and blow through their trust funds on a two-week coke bender in Vegas?

I would hope for something that walks the line in between those extremes, but with something as crazy as a 3-14 upset, who am I to judge how you celebrate.

Well, seeing as how Montana doesn’t want this night to go on any longer, I’m willing to oblige and call things off before Syracuse finishes off the final game of the night. I’ll see all of you back here tomorrow at high noon.

Get some sleep. Tomorrow is another long day.