The dumbest thing I've ever heard (this week) - S-T-U-P-I-D

I don't have much to say on this subject, but as a self-described sports blog, I feel obliged to report on something sports-related before giving you yet another non-sports blog that is soon to come.

I should stress the "sports-related" portion of that last paragraph as this week's dumbest thing ever is somewhat of a yearly "sports" annoyance for yours truly.

Every spring for the last decade or so (I haven't kept track since it would be too depressing), ESPN has televised the Scripps National Spelling Bee. While the professional writer in me appreciates the constant strive for correct spelling in all walks of life, the sports addict in me (along with most of the rest of the universe) is always in for a letdown when the spelling bee breaks into the regularly scheduled block of whatever pre-taped, low-ratings event should be taking the place of a bunch of 10-13 year old kids that don't belong anywhere within a mile of a network with both "entertainment" and "sports" contained within its acronym.

The spelling bee is cute and all, but can we please drop it from ESPN? I get that it's competition, but so are dog shows, Pokemon tournaments, and junior high science fairs. This is just ridiculous. If I wanted to spend five hours watching middle schoolers sweat and be awkward, I would hang out with someone's creepy uncle in his van out by the recess yard every day.

I remember spelling bees... I went through them every year. Each year, one lucky student from my school would be the "spelling king" who was rewarded with the prize of a weekend full of more spelling instead of watching cartoons. Inevitably, this master of the 26 letters would lose, return to class, and never speak of the experience again.

Don't get me wrong. I love competition. I get worked up over Iphone games and don't even like to lose at board games. But where is the competition and high stakes in a spelling bee? Sure, the winner of the whole thing gets a scholarship, but everyone else in the finals at least gets a free trip to D.C. There is no downside - and thus, no TV-worthy competition - to a spelling bee. Just look at all of the kids that get knocked out. There are only ever two reactions to finally spelling a word wrong. The kid is either relieved that they can go back to their summer vacation or terrified that their parents will beat them mercilessly and send them back to their dictionary-filled dungeon for the next 11 months.

In all my years of being forced to watch spelling bee highlights when all I really want to see is a recap of the Phillies game from the previous night, the closest thing to athleticism is still the little asshole that got so worked up over a word that he actually passed out while on stage. Come on, ESPN. Don't put that nonsense on the same channel as people who actually run and jump and succeed athletically for a living.

These little kids may be smart, but showcasing their encyclopedic brains and trying to sell it to me as either entertainment or sport has to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard (this week).